All alone and trying to cope

Hi @Tiggs,

Welcome to the forums, it is very brave of you to share what is happening at the moment. It sounds like you are really struggling with isolation and feelings of loneliness. I'm really sorry you experienced the loss of your child I can't imagine how difficult that must be, and having memories come up of difficult past events must be really hard.

It is understandable you are looking for ways to manage these difficult feelings, but I would really encourage you to be cautious around mixing alcohol with sleep tablets and antidepressants as it can be very risk even if you have done it before and we don't recommend it.

Please take care, I hope you find the forums a supportive place and I look forward to 'seeing you' more on here

Tortoiseshell

Hello @Tiggs

There are a few of us in your age bracket more or less.

Breaking out of the loneliness is so important, so its good you have posted here. Not sure that it gets easier, but somehow we shore up. You can join in other threads that are chatty or post about serious things. I am tagging a few members. If you need to tag.. just put the @ before the name.

@utopia @Teej @Owlunar

Hi Tiggs

This is my first time on any forums. How are things going? The loss of your child must have been catastrophic! Did you obtain anycouonselling about this, before or after?

I have suffered with depression almost all of my life too and three years ago i was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is a result of childhood trauma. Writing helps enormously. But you have to really throw yourself into it to obtain the benefits. After you have written about a particular event/situation try to write a verse about it... this really engages your mind, heart and soul. I drink too. Wine is my poison. But i try to keep to a daily limit... perhaps you can do this too?

I look forward to hearing from you

Ishy

Hi @Tiggs

Welcome to the forum family - I am sure you willl find support here and people are very understanding

Your only child died not long ago - there are a few bereaved parents here and we understand - it takes a long time to learn to live around such an event and we never get used to it - I lost my son over 30 years ago and it does take a lot out of anyone - and I think that your child was not your husband's child but I could be wrong

I say this because it is harder for a man to be open with his grief and as you say your husband is not supportive that could be one reason - but then - my husband was a man who could not share his feelings and this is a really lonely life-style - I am glad you have found us

Though I have have been alone for nearly 30 years I have been okay about it - it was tough at first but I worked hard at getting used to it and with time it has become my way of life and I don't want to change my circumstances

It's different for everyone

One thing that I noticed that I can relate to is that you have things in your past that you would rather not think about and this makes you anxious - I think most people have feelings about the past like that - I know I do - I have reached a point where I don't need to share these things now but it took a long time to get there - I am a lot older than you are and years bring wisdom with life-experience

The forum is a supportive place so it's really okay to share your thoughts here - it sounds as if you have a lot going on - and most things do get easier but it will take a long time to get over the death of your only child

Dec

Hi @Tiggs I am a new to this forum too, today I put up my first post and this is my first reply.

Congratulations for joining this forum and reaching out. You asked how do people live with the demons of the past and when does it get easier?

I can only share from my own experiences and what I found helped me was to find a Psychologist who knew Trauma, proceeded to learn everything I could about this disabling disorder and a significant shift for me was to learn an affirming self language that helped me to reframe my internal experience, for example my demons were not demons at all, they were memories, Playing out like a stuck record, trying to get my attention, much like a distress signal.

Traumatic recall is very real just ask anyone who has it, I lived and relived traumatic events via Traumatic recall as though they were happening in the present, it took time and practice to learn new responses to old reactions but with the help of a caring therapist, a recovery program and support from others, recovery became possible for me. In time complex ptsd has become easier to live with, I still have my challenges on a daily basis and the difference today is that what we're once obstacles have turned into stepping stones towards a recovered person and a recovered life. I am not without re activation of my Traumatic Recall, I can now recognise it for what it is and set about attending to it accordingly.

Thinking of you today and I encourage you to keep posting, the isolation that accompanies this disorder is perhaps the first real obstacle to turn into a stepping stone.