I am a psychologist and I am grieving for me and my brother, who probably has undiagnosed ASD

Hi everyone, I've just recently heard of this platform and thought to share a small story. I don't quite know where else to write this so I thought this might well be the place for it.

I have worked hard to advance a career in mental health, working with clients without being fixated on their diagnoses, since I preferred not to burden them with unnecessary stigma. Recently, in the course of my training, I began to reflect more and more on the appropriateness of Autism Spectrum Disorder for my younger brother. It dawned on me that the same reason why my parents refused to heed our relatives' suspicions of ASD for him when he was younger, had perhaps influenced my own views of mental health over the years. My younger brother never did see a healthcare professional, and due to his high level of functioning, had never received a diagnosis.

I am aware of the medical student's bias, or.. overly diagnosing the self and family members upon acquiring more knowledge in the area. Ironically, my supervisor has noted that I have consistently failed to include ASD as a differential for my clients. I am now mindful that there may be something to my inability to confront this.

Presently, my younger brother is living with my partner and myself. Thankfully, this is somewhat temporary as he will be moving away for work soon. In the meanwhile, the extent of his communication difficulties has put a strain on us. It is stressful for me to think about whether he was going to suicide whenever he leaves the house for alone time. I am not his keeper in the sense some other forum users use the term 'carer', but I am supposedly his main support while our parents are away believing that things have turned out for the better since his childhood.

I am undergoing some long term support to care for myself, and will be bringing this up in my next session. I just... want people to understand that I find it difficult to identify as a 'carer' for someone who would never seek help. As written in the topic title, I am still grieving for this 'blind spot' when it comes to ASD or some sort of PD in a family member, and what it meant for me to have been living with this chronic stress without realising it. Part of me feels possibly validated, but the other part also knows that this can only be confirmed by a healthcare professional, which cannot be me.

If this makes sense to anyone reading this, please let me know. I'd be deeply appreciative of any type of support offered. Thank you in advance. 🙂