Professional help lacking

Hi, l have BP mainly depression. I am stable on medication well stable enough to hide the thoughts of suicide. Last week l was feeling pretty down and decided to be safe and phone my psychologist, he was on holidays and the guy l talked to was as useful as breast on a bull. He said he would discuss my case with the psychiatrist and get back to me. He did Monday afternoon after the weekend. I'd be dead if wasn't extremely conscious of my emotions at the moment. I spent the weekend with my ageing parents again without them knowing how bad l am.

I have so many stupid things l have done and such guilt l carry which aids to my depression daily. I've lived with.this for nearly 20yrs and when l get s bad l try to do myself in8. Been very close but just don't succeed.

I have 2 adult kids that are hurt everytime l try, which is understandable and causes more guilt and a sister that believes that she has the right to tell my daughter everything l have ever done wrong and bipolar is bullshit and just attention seeking. Which makes me angry even though l miss her soooo much.

If l could just get rid of the guilt l think l could maybe live a relatively normal life but don't know how to remove the guilt..So l will keep going on like this and finally one day I'll get it right.