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Something’s not right

Work

Unknown userMember

Work

Today at work I just found out we are closing down the our department in the store I work in, in two and a half weeks.

This has left me losing more then half my hours as I work for our sister brand else where. They are also not helping me to get more shifts as I'm a casual and the other store im in is my base store. I've called all our other stores and there is no hours!

Basicly I'm left with the task of finding a new job. Everyone is like this is great get a new job go study, do what you love for once. I don't love anything! Nothing satisfies me! I'm to stupid to study! I don't have the energy to find a new job!

Last year I spent 4 months job hunting and in good with what I do but I got a massive lisp and stutter when nervous so I do shit in interviews or I do to amazing and they call up saying they love me but I'm to advanced for the job!!!! I can't deal with putting myself out there and getting rejected. I don't want to be rejected at the only thing I'm good at that I hate.

I also don't want my routine to be messed up. I love struckter. I like knowing what I'm doing. I don't want to not know what I'm doing. I do f want to meet new people. I don't want any of that. I can barley go to my job and sometimes I self harm or take something to get through it and some days I'm great but I know I'm going to crash and burn big time at a new place.

Like I know this sounds childish but why can't I get a freaking break!

I've done nothing wrong in my life but love others, bring the homeless into my house on Christmas, speak words of encouragement, never tear anyone down, give my time and love. And what do I get in return, a violent childhood where I would live on pasta for weeks, I would get picked on every day at school for wearing boy clothing and handy downs. I don't get a proper education. I have a miscarriage. I'm always broke. I don't have anything normal functional around me and yay I got bipolar. And there's chicks out there who do drugs and have healthy babies and marry rich or the parents support them and they live healthy lives and everything falls in there laps.

I'm really hating life today. It's getting way to hard and unfair

17 replies

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In response to: Work

Unknown userMember

Re: Work

I'm glad I can now understand my highs and lows but yes my low has decided to come steaming ahead. I slept straight for 14 hours and didn't get out of bed til after 3. And have sat on the couch the rest of the night being very clingy and needy and now I'm contemplating life and friendship and how I don't understand it.

Here's a question a bit of topic if anyone reads this.

Why are people friends with people they don't like? Why are people with friends they gossip and say bad things about? Why are people friends with people that hurt them bad? Why are people friends with people that think they are going no where in life and are losers and trouble? Why are people friends when they got zero in common?

Is it because they are comfortable with this. It's easy and they know what to expect? Is it because they are lazy to make new friends? Is it due to lack of social skills? Is it due to no self respect? Is it because they are scared and want to feel loved and wanted even though they no they are not! Is it for the image?

I like to watch people and I see this in nearly every group and I'm like but you don't like each other but your hanging out together and I'm left scratching my head.

Like is this just normal human behaviour and I should get use to it and accept it. Is there something wrong with me because i view this human contact wrong. I sometimes feel like such an outsider because I can't accept what society wants me to

In response to: Re: Work

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Work

I found it interesting the way you posed the questions. Sadly my answer is "all of the above". Some of it is due to people having conflicting and paradoxical aspects ... so one side of a person may attract and another cause friction. I like your attitude. In such an imperfect world it makes sense to dream of a heaven.

In response to: Work

Unknown userMember

Re: Work

I just find human behaviour really interesting, I see my self as a bit of an outsider and I'm just watching literally a circus of people rushing around living how society wants them to be. And they think they are individual and not part of the game but they all are. And what they do to feel loved and accepted even though it's all fake just mind blows me.

I start thinking are they truly happy or not? Majority of the world lives like this so I think is there something wrong with me? Should I be living the fast pace society wanted lifestyle and I will find happiness and fit in and everything I dream of. Or would I still find it empty like my life because I know how wrong it is and have seen the light?

In response to: Re: Work

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Work

I guess the problem is that "they" is a multitude of different beings from different backgrounds having different experiences. I have been trying to slow the world down in my own way for a while now. But I don't want to be arrogant about it and say I am the enlightened one. Like you said in another post, I do think that humility is important. Hey I still have a month to go to get my licence back from excess speeding fines. I paid my dues. I tried to keep up with people in the fast line. I don't really believe in it, never did, but anyway that is the weird situation that I am in.

In response to: Work

Unknown userMember

Re: Work

I don't think I'm inlightened. I hate the fact I see things the way I do. I wish I could be blind to the world and its ways. I just over view everything and see it in a different light and over analysis it for hours and days until I can find an answer I understand.

I believe there's others in the world that have my views on life. I'm not arrogant over it ever. I spend my whole life trying to be humble. That's what my bible says and my. Husband is trying to teach me I should speak good of my charity work to others to inspire them and be proud of my work. But I'm like no it will go to my head. It's not and act for me to feel good it's for others.

I don't know maybe my other thinking and feeling different to everyone is part of my. Bipolar

In response to: Work

jamesle2015Senior Contributor

Re: Work

It's good that you have been studying.

I can't imagine what it would be like - I work in retail, been doing same job since 2012.

Sometimes I get frustrated as it's hard sometimes - you know what customers can be like - so annoying.

I got stressed due to my agoraphobia - I can't do simple things like go for a walk by myself.

I tried but I get 'stuck' - I wish I could go for walk without any emotions then I could do it.

I can drive but not by myself.

In response to: Re: Work

jamesle2015Senior Contributor

Re: Work

My reply was for BeachsideMum

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