Am I the only one who hates Christmas ?

I hate this time of year when you walk into shops and they have all the Xmas deco’s out already. The whole lead up to Xmas is very depressing for me.

I used to LOVE Xmas, it was always a huge deal when I was younger.

A few years into my marriage and that all changed. My husband was hopeless about buying gifts (forgot, ran out of time, excuse, excuse, excuse) and I used to feel extremely left out. When the kids were younger we’d be up early, they would open they’re stockings and it was all exciting. I’d give my husband his gift, something I’d spent a lot of thought on, plus chocolates and little knick knack/gag gifts in his stocking and then I’d be preparing food all morning ready to take to our families for meals later in the day, plus getting 3 kids ready for a long day (while hubby went back to bed). It just all seemed like hard work and not very festive, and I would recieve NOTHING.

One year, my middle child noticed me in the kitchen and came up to me and asked what Santa had brought me, I tried to keep it upbeat but I told him I didn’t get anything, I must have been naughty that year. Then I went and cried in the shower. I know Xmas isn’t all about the gifts, but I just never felt included, I’ve always felt like I was just the servant. We are not a very religious family, for us Xmas is about family, but I just don’t feel a part of the family when I feel excluded.

I usually over compensate with the kids (they are young adults now), I spend way too much money on them, but I don’t want them to feel like I do every year. I can’t remember the last time I actually got a gift.

My hatred of Xmas became worse after I lost my middle child in a car accident when he was 9 (12 years ago). The only joy I feel now is when I buy a gift for the Kmart Xmas Tree Appeal. I always buy something for a 9yo boy, and for a woman my age.

The best I feel in the whole festive season is Boxing Day when it’s all over.

The shops have had Xmas stock out for nearly a month now and I’m already over it, when the carols start I’ll be wanting to tear my ears off.

Surely I can’t be the only one who feels like this??