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At a loss

DrKayContributor10 Oct 2018, 8:03 pm AEDT

At a loss

Well today I am writing to all of you amazing carers doing it tough and I'm hoping to hear back about my crazy (for want of a better word) life.

I am a single mum of 2. My oldest daughter who is 17 was diagnosed with bi-polar, PTSD, ADHD, borderline personality disorder and has a drug addiction. She has engaged in high risk behaviour and has had explosive outbursts that has included self harm and domestic violence attacks on me and her younger sister.

I decided after the marriage ended 6 years ago to move interstate to gain support from family. Decision- making is tough when balancing the needs of my healthy younger daughter, my dysfunctional and unwell older daughter, a full time job, and the never ending highs and lows that come with managing mental illness. Medication for my daughter comes and goes and I can't even tell u if it has really worked. She too has come and gone, tried living with friends, boyfriends and returned home a week ago despite my promises to my other daughter and family that I would not allow her back into my home. Started strong as always and I was naively optimistic. She had a job. She was happy. Let's face it she had been living away for 2 months so I thought things had improved.

Today she had a massive outburst, anxiety explosion and quit her job. My response was frustration. Complete. She is uneducated having quit school at year 9, unemployed and now intends to apply for the DSP. Why can't I just accept that. Why do I feel so angry at the world and at her because she can't work and be like other normal teens?. When I look back at 17 years of destruction, I realise nothing was able to be done. Then I gaze into the next 17 years and don't even want to be here. How can I ever be free and happy? How can my other daughter be free and happy? When she first came back this week I had th experience of what it must be like having a normal family. It was so lovely. It's gone again and I am devastated that I am only able to have small glimpses of normality.

Please please don't be cranky at my post - I know I seem harsh . I'm just so sad.

19 replies

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In response to: At a loss

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor11 Oct 2018, 5:40 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

You're so welcome @DrKay

If you type the @ key, depending on which device you are using, it should give you a drop-down box of recent users on this thread. If you click on a user name, it will come up as @Shaz51 (for instance) and it will send a notification to that person that you have posted a message for them (Hi @Shaz51 .... 🖐🌹)

These are handy hints that we teach each other when new people join the forum. It helps to define who you are responding to.

I hope today was a little easier for you. I have had a good day today.

In response to: Re: At a loss

Shaz51Senior Contributor11 Oct 2018, 6:16 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

how is your day today @DrKay

In response to: At a loss

RaineContributor15 Oct 2018, 6:26 am AEDT

Re: At a loss

Please don’t be hard on yourself yes I really know what u mean by just a “normal” life. I want it, you want it, all carers want it but it is not to be. The saying “we have to deal with what we are delt with” is easier said than done. There are just good days and bad days. Try and be strong love Raine

In response to: Re: At a loss

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Oct 2018, 1:39 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

HI @Raine and welcome to the forums ..... 🖐

In response to: Re: At a loss

RaineContributor16 Oct 2018, 5:07 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

Hi thanks for the welcome 😘😘

In response to: Re: At a loss

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor16 Oct 2018, 5:14 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

Hi again @Raine .... 😃

Adding @ to the front of someone's user name sends them a flag that you have responded to them. Depending on the device you are using, it will generally offer you a drop-down box of recent user names. See how you go with that, if you want to ....

How is your day going ?

In response to: Re: At a loss

RaineContributor17 Oct 2018, 10:38 am AEDT

Re: At a loss

Thx I will do that. Ok today 😘

Sent from my iPhone

In response to: Re: At a loss

DrKayContributor14 Nov 2018, 4:37 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

Thank you Raine

the last 24 hours have been a revelation to me. How dumb can I be - no idea that she is using again (cannabis on a daily basis and eye drops to cover the red) - shouldn't I see behaviour changes? She tells me she has a plan to end it all and has letters....she told me I wasn't listening to her. That I didn't hear her. I thought I did. I was available and we talked daily. Lots of talking. Is there some hidden language? I didn't understand that she was in pain. I didn't see. As a mum that's tough.

Even though she has promised to not go through with her plan because I was so upset, i have to say I am still scared. I'm scared of what will happen if she does. Is it a relief for her that I'm stopping if she wants to die? Dying - is that going to be her only peace? The bottom line is unless she is admitted I cannot be sure she is safe and the medical team are on board. But how sad - that I want her here on earth and yet she doesn't want to stay. That the little girl is gone.

Family have supported me so that keeps some of the fear at bay - but all the while, life keeps on moving. I still have to work, and function and try .

Thank u

In response to: Re: At a loss

Shaz51Senior Contributor14 Nov 2018, 7:30 pm AEDT

Re: At a loss

Hello @DrKay, @Raine

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