Intimacy all gone

BlueBay, as I read your post I could have been reading about myself.

Ive been married 25years (last week). I feel like I’ve been walking around with stars in my eyes for 24years, they were opened big time last year when my father died and my husband showed no support what-so-ever. We are undergoing marriage counselling, have been since late last year, I am also getting counselling on my own for child sexual abuse of which I’ve never spoken of for almost 40years. I had told my husband that I’d been abused as a child, but never really discussed it. He has learnt some detail now that I have started counselling but I still feel like I have no support from him.

We haven’t been intimate for at least 17months and at the moment I couldn’t care less if he never touched me again. How can I be intimate with someone who has little regard and almost no respect for me?

Like you, I can find no joy in this life either, every day seems to be just one foot in front of the other hoping tomorrow won’t be as dark as today.

I wish I could suggest something to help, the only think I can say is that you’re not alone.

Hi @Razzle

@Thankyou for your reply. I didn’t come out with my childhood abuse until 40 yrs later too.

It is difficult. Can I ask you - is marriage counseling helping? You don’t have to answer.

I hope you can find love and happiness again. ❤️

@BlueBay Re marriage counciling - good question. Sometimes it’s like 2 steps forward, 1 step back and then it switches to 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

At the moment it’s not going great. My husband seems to tell the councillor everything he thinks the councillor wants to hear, and then does the same old shit when we leave.

I have so much anger and resentment toward my husband at the moment that I honestly can’t see how we could possibly make it work.

Unfortunately, I’m not in a position to be able to leave, no matter how miserable I am having to stay. Financially it’s not possible (we’re farmers beginning to feel the impact of the drought). And honestly, with everything else that’s going on in my life I’m just mentally and physically incapable of getting out.

There was one point about 3 or 4 months ago that we were in a pretty good place and I thought we’d nearly make it through, but that seems a

million years ago now.

I’m new to this site so hope I’m doing the right thing by way of responding. I read your post and feel the same. Married 17 years. Suffer major depressive disorder and anxiety. I’m not menapuasal but don’t know what to do either. Each day rolls into the next. Daily struggle to keep up the facade. Intimacy same as you and also blame myself for that. Not interested and know it’s my depression that does it. Depression just won’t leave me at peace, get so down when it defeats me I think I’ve given up, I feel that way after years of therapy, medication, intervention etc. understanding from spouse not there and feel he has given up also. I wish I could take the pain away for you. I empathise with you.

I’m sorry @Razzle that you’re going through so much snd on top of all thst there is a drought. That must be so tough for you. I’m really sorry.

I think if my hubby went to counselling he would be like your hubby.

I csn understand how difficult it must be.

Take care

xxoo