My dad's dying...

Hi @Hope4me,

what you’re going through must bring up many thoughts.

You have to look after yourself and your recovery.

Take Care

🌹

Hi @Hope4me

thinking of you. Hope you’re doing ok ❤️❤️

Thanks for the support @BlueBay, @TAB and @Shazz66.

It is confusing isn't it @Former-Member? I can't say I have an opinion about your response to your abuser; it just seems a bit surreal. Too individual and intimate (if I can say that) for me to comment on. It's rarer than hen's teeth for an abuser to apologise. The death bed thing makes sense though.

It seems you haven't told anyone in your family about the abuse. You also said "..one of my abusers". I'm really sorry about this. You seem to be quite balanced and self aware though. Kudos and well done for the hard work.

My family still tippy toe around me re dad. Out of 4 siblings, only 2 of us don't associate with him. Even mum see's him now and then. (They've been divorced for decades)

As I said before, I outed him 23 years ago. Only one person hugged me and said it must've been awful. That was the sibling who doesn't talk to him.

I've even asked another sibling why they haven't acknowleged how it must've been for me. There was no response except a 'caught in the headlights' stare at my eyes.

An aunt (his sister) told me he only touched me up a few times, so I should let it go and talk with him, poor man. Whew...that was a punch in the guts moment.

Survivors want to think when you 'tell', things will be so much easier. It might be that way as a heard and validated child with lots of adult support, but for adults who aren't cute and vulnerable anymore, it can be a ride through Hell. It's bloody amazing how many family members want to shove it under the rug or refuse to accept it as real or even important. (!!!???)

That's one of the reasons I'm finding things confusing. There's more to this than meets the eye. It should really be about he and I, but the child victim, mother, sister, daughter and adult woman in me want a say. Those parts of me have stories and feelings too.

For instance, I only came out about things because I felt like vomiting every time he was near my toddler. I never had to have him on the scene again. It was a huge relief.

Anyway, I might leave things here. Writing is actually helping by keeping my adult in charge. That's always a good thing.

xo

@TAB

I want to thank you so much hun. Your honest account of what you've felt or believed is such an important revelation to read! Tears...

People in my life just don't want to talk about it. In the beginning when I was raw and angry, I hated their silence and their need for me to be silenced. I soon learned to let go of my need to be validated. It was just too disheartening.

Your words helped me understand that people 'surmise' what the truth looks like sometimes. I so needed to hear it! Wow! Thankyou again...

You would be right in assuming no one in my family knows @Hope4me, to be honest the only abuser my family know about is the one who abused me when I was three but they know what he did to others what he did to me was hushed and trapped under a rug. Even in the court system they call it indecency not abuse but anyway.

I don't see the point in telling anyone now he is dead as nothing can be done anyway.