My dad's dying...

Hi @Hope4me

I’m feeling fir you so much. I don’t know what to say. Pls know I understsbd how tough this situation must be for you.

Sending you love and hugs 🤗 🤗❤️❤️

Thankyou @BlueBay

Your words are thoughtful and appreciated.

I didn't know if anyone would talk with me seeing as I didn't tag anyone. I understand you not knowing what to say, it stumped me too.

I've had some irratic and invasive thoughts. This hasn't happened for a long time, so to feel its impact is disappointing to say the least. These thoughts and a rock in my belly tells me there's something unresolved at work.

I know looking after myself is paramount, especially protecting my inner child from being duped again. Jekyl and Hyde; Mr Charming and Mr Evil still lurk underneath his earthly facade.

Only God can save his soul, I think this scares him more than anything worldly...

Hey @Hope4me

I understand what you mean when you are struggling with mixed thoughts.

I think I would be feeling the same way.

It got me thinking - my brother sexually abused me as a child. If he was in hospital dying would I go? That’s a tough one atm I’m thinking no way. But it’s different fir everyone.

I really want to hug you fir you niw and your inner child. I get it.

Your health is the most important thing here so pls take it easy and look after yourself. I know you will.

With you and holding your hand at this difficult time.

❤️❤️ 🤗

I'm so sorry for your past situation too @BlueBay. Lord knows there are too many of us to count eh?

Thanks for the hug. I'm hugging you back too.

I'm listening to the song 'Misty Blue' by Dorothy Moore. The words, if adapted, can really relate. Trying to forget people isn't as easy as forgiving them I find. I relate to 'his' child who went through unthinkable attrocities. So the adult in me can let go, but forgetting? Well that's the hard part.

x

Thanks for your support @BlueBay. I don't expect you to write anything. I'm sure it must be a triggering issue for you. I think I just need to get my thoughts and feelings out.

I've been hiding from life for a long time. No matter what I do though it keeps finding me. The thing is; am I strong enough to cope with what's expected of me?

I do know I made his day by visiting. That's confusing too. I outed him for the world to see. I was a plague in his life for many years until losing my presence as his daughter became harder to deal with than hating me for telling the truth.

Mr Hyde comes out during his alcohol binges. I saw it at Xmas time a couple of years ago and had a massive panic attack. No matter how confident and into my recovery I am, 'that look' on his drunken face is a living flashback.

Taking it day by day...

thanks for popping in @TAB. It means a lot...

@Hope4me It’s ok. I’m not triggered. I’m happy to listen to you anytime. ❤️

I think taking things easy and slow is a good idea. Your health and recovery is important here. ❤️

have you got family support? Someone that you can talk to?

You have friends here that care snd will support you.

What are you doing today?

Hi @Hope4me, @BlueBay and @TAB,

I have had a similar situation with a distance family member and to be honest it was mixed emotions seeing one of my abusers like that.

His last words to me was Im sorry, mine to him were " would you have still said those words if you weren't dying", he stayed silent so I walked out. Alot of people were surprised I didn't show more emotion in his death but I just couldn't bring myself to be sad about his passing despite people expecting me to be upset because they thought we were close.

I didn't start to feel sad about it till much later when I wished I had said more then what I did and accepted his appology.

But that is a choice I now live with and somehow even if it had played out differently it probably would have ended the same way