CLOSED // Topic Tuesday // Caring for someone with bipolar

@Heartworks - great points around grief and frustration!

Hi Everyone,

Jo is still having some technical issues - so I will continue to facilitate the conversation though 🙂

*sending Jo some good tech vibes*

So our next question is:

Do you re-arrange your personal daily routine to cope with the periods of mania and depression your loved one goes through? If so, what strategies do you apply at these times?

I'd also love to hear from anyone who has bipolar, what your loved ones could do (or what NOT to do) to assist when you are experiencing mania or lows?

A question we (my husband and I) seem to ask oursleves a lot as carers is, are our expectations of our son (who has bipolar) reasonable? Should we expect him to be able to pick up after himself, to put away dirty dishes, to remember simple tasks that we feel he's capable of?

I feel he often uses his illness as an excuse for not doing the boring, menial, day-to-day tasks. And it makes be really frustrated and angry at times! But asking him to do things usually goes south. So we find ourselves tip-toeing around him a little too much.

A classic example was today. When he's 'good' and his mental illness isn't affecting him, I find it harder to NOT get frustrated by what I see as a lack of thoughtfulness and just being lazy.

So my questions are:

Do I need to reassess my expectations or are they reasonable?

Should I accept that his illness isn't allowing him to "get his sh*t together" as he puts it?

Should we try to enforce rules and boundaries, like "Pick up your clothes" so that he knows he does have rules and boundaries?

Strategies: (mania and depression, either or both of us - what works for us, in no particular order)

1. clear the books (that includes appointments, expectations, occasions etc)
2. having periods when you 'just go with it' We allow ourselves 'bed time' when we don't want to get up, but we don't allow the whole day, every day for a week
3. pre-prepare meals or have easy cook meals so everyone is eating without max effort
4. go with the flow - I was the micromanaging queen, trying to have it all neat and organised. Nope - to 'just be' is more than enough
5. Listen, when you are able. No need to have all the answers just listen ( I speak from both perspectives)
6. Have the hospital on speed dial or a number on the fridge
7. dont blame yourself
8. acknowledge you are doing the best you can
9. Take a moment to breathe
10. establish boundaries - what's okay and what's not

That's a tough one @Mama_Penguin - what you described is what some would stay is "typical" teenage behaviour and that your expectations are realistic, on the other hand, I can understand why you would worry about him being unwell and having high expectations.

In my experience, I don't lower my expectations, but I am flexible. This works well if you are able to tell when your loved one is well or going downhill.

Would you say he understands your expectations. Are there key things he knows he has to do?