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Suicide

deraafmanNew Contributor27 Sept 2018, 3:55 am AEST

Suicide

I’ve been living with ptsd for my whole life (child abuse). 22 now and have Nightmares, flashbacks, crazy racing thoughts, social phobias, scared of everything including spending money

i don’t feel hopeless I know that through years of counseling you can get better, it’s just that i don’t want to put up with this anymore

I never asked for this mental disorder I was given it and I think it’s my right to check out early

Im thinking about saying I’m going on a trip and then not coming back, maybe this will ease the loss of me because my family will never understand why I would ever do something like that

or should I just be honest idk

8 replies

1 - 8 of 8

In response to: Suicide

Buddy13Senior Contributor27 Sept 2018, 4:36 am AEST

Welcome

Hi @deraafman,

Welcome to the SANE forum. My name is Buddy13 and I am the forum moderator this morning.

Sorry to hear you you are having such a diffficult time.

I have sent you an email just now to check in with you.

Kind regards

Buddy13

In response to: Suicide

OwlunarSenior Contributor27 Sept 2018, 10:45 am AEST

Re: Suicide

Hi @deraafman

I hear you and you have every right to seek help about your PTSD - it is a horrible way to feel and it has other difficult emotions attached and no one wants to live that way - I understand

But don't just take yourself away from your family without giving them a chance - or without giving yourself a chance

One of my children chose suicide and I get it - I know he was unhappy and I didn't want him to feel so alone and desperate but he didn't want to talk about it - there was nothing I could do because he chose not to talk about it

It's a very hard thing to face life with so many challenges and suicide seems like a good idea at times but really - it's not

Whether or not you have the right isn't for anyone else to say but it is a drastic step to take - talk about it first -

I am really sorry you feel this way and I care and I hear you

Dec

In response to: Suicide

Unknown userMember27 Sept 2018, 3:53 pm AEST

Re: Suicide

Hi @deraafman

Just wanting to check-in with you and see how things have been across today? I can't imagine how exhausted, afraid and hopeless you must feel with everything going on for you - especially, given it has been such a long road that you haven't in the slightest chosen!

How are you sitting with the thought of being upfront with your family?

Please take care of yourself, and reach out if you need support!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: Suicide

Zoe7Senior Contributor27 Sept 2018, 5:21 pm AEST

Re: Suicide

After years of feeling much the same way as you the one thing I do know is that we have a choice and that choice is ultimately ours. It is not a nice position that you are in @deraafman and it does feel hopeless for much of the time. It has taken me 2 years to get to a point where SI is a constant though but less likely for me to go through with it. In that time there have been several failed attempts and I cannot say that I am glad I failed - infact it was quite the opposite at the time. I am now in a slightly better place though and that has taken a lot of therapy, meds and a great GP that between them all have made a difference. I still have a very long way to go so I am under no illusions that any of this is easy. Reaching out for that support has been the hardest, and most rewarding, part of this journey and you have begun that journey yourself in reaching out here. The wonderful thing about this forum is that there are many people that have been right where you are and can relate to what you are going through. I think it is extremely brave of you to reach out here and that also tells me that inside you still feel some hope - so continue to post, receive support here and share your story with us as you go. What supports to you have irl - gp, psychologist, psychiatrist etc. - if you can;t talk to your family then those supports are a great place to start - often beginning the conversation can bring some relief - others knowing how you feel and why can also help - stay connected to stay safe!

In response to: Suicide

SupercoolguySenior Contributor30 Sept 2018, 1:55 pm AEST

Re: Suicide

Don't do it. There is always a way. Go get help someone is out there to help.

In response to: Re: Suicide

Unknown userMember06 Oct 2018, 4:18 pm AEST

Re: Suicide

And its "alone again.... naturally"

Suicidal thoughts suck!
Sometimes they're so intense.

Someone once broke its power for me by making the suggestion "its not so much the THOUGHT that is distressing, but the ANXIETY attached to it.

I'm a bit slow on the uptake of this, because of early conditioning cPTSD, but in that moment,cwhen the counselor said it, I could she it and start separating the thought from the bad feeling, become more the 'observer' of the thought, not so much the 'reactor' that gets carried away with it.

I use to think thoughts were not only facts, but identity. They are from me therefore they are me. . or some other blind acceptance.

Now I step back and see negative thoughts as NOT from me, but from Blackdog who clouds my view of the world, fogs up the glasses, exhausts me with wild goose chases, & vein imaginings. Swinging me back and forth.

It off talks a while I o check myself
I get so worked up the only relief is to go to bed for days. That's where I am now.

Also, never have 'the means' readily available. Always give yourself another night to sleep on it. These things help me. I hope

In response to: Re: Suicide

OwlunarSenior Contributor08 Oct 2018, 12:31 pm AEDT

Re: Suicide

Hi @Former-Member

I knew I would catch up with you somewhere - and you have a couple of great ideas here to get yourself through the really dark thoughts

You are right - it's the chemical imbalance in your brain - what you and others call the Black Dog - that cause the SI - not the rational you - and I believe your faith is really strong and that can overcome the Black Dog because you have two great thoughts here

Never have the means available and sleep one night on it - mm - yeah - great thoughts this one from the part of your brain involved with self-worth - great to read it

When I am going through bad patches - it happens nearly every year through early winter - it feels dark and bleak when I wake up - I found through time that this is often terrible and feels really dark - but it passes - getting out of bed to make a cup of coffee is the hard part - drinking the coffee is the best part - and seeing as I only drink one or two coffees a day it's even better - so that one works

The other one is Sudoku puzzles - or Soduko - which ever - one or two of those really works for me - maybe I have re-engaged my brain elsewhere - it seems to start my day off better though when thoughts are not self-destructive but definitely on the side of staying in bed which is counter-productive

You have some great coping thoughts here Lapses and it's great to catch up with you

Dec

In response to: Re: Suicide

Unknown userMember08 Oct 2018, 1:48 pm AEDT

Re: Suicide

Hiya @Owlunar, thanks, missed you big sis xox

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