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Self-compassion

CheerBearSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 10:41 am AEST

Self-compassion

Hi everyone

I've been reading and looking at quite a lot of information and resources on self-compassion. There are some awesome ideas out there but I'm finding it difficult to turn them into something I can put into practice and do/be more of.

While this seems like a great idea

I find it can be tricky to do sometimes and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be alone with feeling it.

So I'm curious to hear others' thoughts on self-compassion and how we can be more compassionate to ourselves.

What does self-compassion mean to you and how do you go about being compassionate to yourself?

Do you find self-compassion difficult/uncomfortable or is it something that comes more easily or naturally to you?

Do you actively/intentionally practice self-compassion and if so, how?

Thanks in advance to anyone who shares their thoughts 🙂

(Going to tag some people here but there's no pressure to reply and anyone is welcome to join in - @frog, @Owlunar, @Sophia1, @Former-Member, @outlander, @Snowie, @Sans911, @Adge, @Mazarita, @eth, @Teej, @Maggie, @MDT, @Zoe7, @BlueBay, @Shaz51, @Bunniekins, @Exoplanet, @TheVorticon, @eudemonism, @Appleblossom, @Queenie and all)

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In response to: Self-compassion

MDTSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 10:55 am AEST

Re: Self-compassion

hey @CheerBear good idea for a thread. HAppy to be a part of it find that self compassion isn't something I actively or intentionally practice.

IT's something I have trained myself to do, so that I do it automatically or as a first response to a bad episode. So for example, if something happens where it doesn't go according to plan - due to my own fault then rather than get really angry with myself and treat myself like a tyrant would, I forgive myself and just say "meh".

I think this has come about because over the years of my MH I have started to realise that having MH is "bad enough" so I don't need to be treating myself so badly. Why add fuel to the fire right? I think initially it was hard - because I was always angry at myself for not fulfilling goals, not doing well enough on uni assignments, not being able to find a stable job, not doing this, not doing that etc. But I found that self-compassion actually helped me to prioritize what was most important and then improve my MH.

I think that the quote you posted there is really important. "Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping" is another alternative I have heard. There is no point treating yourself like a slave, making horrible demands on yourself, demanding what's beyond possible. This is often coupled with the phrase "I SHOULD be doing xyz " but then realising that "should" can be replaced with "could".

In response to: Self-compassion

outlanderSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 10:57 am AEST

Re: Self-compassion

great topic @CheerBear
Self compassion to me is being able to show empathy towards myself as i would others and it is something i struggle with hugely! i find it both difficult and uncomfortable to try and do and even when others give compliments etc i still struggle to accept those comments too.

In response to: Re: Self-compassion

CheerBearSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 11:21 am AEST

Re: Self-compassion

Hey @MDT and thanks for sharing! So great to hear you've experienced the benefits of being self-compassionate. I really liked your thought about how having MH issues is "bad enough" and that we dont need to be making it harder.

I think 'shoulds' play a huge role in being self-critical. I'm constantly putting demands on myself ("I should be over it already", "I should be able to do..." etc.) that I wouldn't in a million expect of anyone else. While I can catch myself out with it sometimes and sometimes remind myself that its unreasonable and unnecessary, I still get tripped up with it and stuck in a should rut 😏 Maybe time and practice at recognising and challenging it can help.

Great to hear self-compassion has also helped you prioritise what's important. I hadn't thought of that as being a possible benefit.

Thanks for replying @outlander and for your sharing too. I can relate to the difficulty you have accepting compliments. My inner self critic is rarely happy with anything I do and judges me much more harshly than others seem to!

In response to: Re: Self-compassion

Sophia1Senior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 11:26 am AEST

Re: Self-compassion

Hello @CheerBear

Yes a great subject...

When I worked with clients I always used the philosophy treat others as you would like to be treated yourself...

When someone is rude too me on the telephone usually call centre scenario....I have been known to say if moving further up the chain...ask them how they would feel if that was their mother or partner they were speaking to like that...

In a nutshell I know the concept very well..am an expert at discussing subject with others...

as in the word compassion...yes empathy...

with self...I find myself sometimes hearing an internal conversation....to be honest...I do not think that I am listening to myself though...perhaps an extension of the feeling I have always carried that I am not being listened to...

Thank you for reminding me...

I have started practising this exercise....

when guilt comes knocking on my door....the feelings seem to have to be allowed to be present and acknowledged..then the internal conversation can begin...

the question for me is how do I know that I am actually allowing myself to feel self compassion...

please keep tagging me ...I am very interested in this subject and reading of how others actually put this into practice...not from a self care action point of view...more from a thought process point of view...lastly how do they know if it is working?

cheers @CheerBear love your name

In response to: Self-compassion

AdgeSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 11:41 am AEST

Re: Self-compassion

Thanks @CheerBear Adge

In response to: Re: Self-compassion

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 12:58 pm AEST

Re: Self-compassion

Great thread topic @CheerBear Will reply more fully when I have more time

In response to: Re: Self-compassion

Shaz51Senior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 1:03 pm AEST

Re: Self-compassion

Thanks @CheerBear, will reply after as I am at the hospital with mum

In response to: Self-compassion

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 3:20 pm AEST

Re: Self-compassion

Self-compassion for me @CheerBear is about being as kind to myself as I am to others. I very much struggle with the former and don't always 'give myself a break' when I haven't achieved or done something that was expected. I definitely treat others with more compassion than I do myself. I think many of us are harder on ourselves than we are with others and that level of compassion and empathy we should try to extend to ourselves.

I am learning to be more compassionate with myself and that often means working out ways to 'let things go' that would have previously been a real issue for me - this includes allowing myself to feel and 'convince' myself that those feelings are not only warranted but necessary to move forward.

In response to: Re: Self-compassion

AppleblossomSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: Self-compassion

I have been actively interested in therapies for a very long time, but self compassion is only something I have been consciously "working with" bit by bit in last few years.

Important points. @CheerBear

I had to sort out all the issues around narcissism, love and self love.

In response to: Re: Self-compassion

MaggieSenior Contributor26 Sept 2018, 4:12 pm AEST

Re: Self-compassion

A very interesting discussion @CheerBear. This has to be one of my major struggles. Compassion towards myself is an upside version of what I have been taught. I have heard it said it is selfish and so much more. I have come to terms intellectually with turning some around, but physically it's just not connecting. Reading through some responses, it's not easy for many, if any.

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