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High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

beanSenior Contributor25 Sept 2018, 7:57 pm AEST

High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

So things pretty much came to a head for me last week... I had been awaiting my GP appointment that I had to wait over a week for, I could have seen another GP in the practice but I just didn't have the energy to explain everything.

I broke down, everything has just gotten too much for me, my anxiety has been stopping me from leaving the house, the demons in my head haven't been letting up with horrible thoughts.

For the first time ever when my GP asked if I had suicidal thoughts/plans I answered honestly and said yes. I immediately regretted that and my anxiety and panic overwhelmed me, which in turn led her to make 2 appointments for the following 2 days to keep a check on me on the second day she completed an emergency/urgent mental health care plan to get me into see a psychologist A.S.A.P she was hoping that I could get an appointment by the start of this week, but I havent heard anything.

My anxiety of the waiting for this said appointment is growing worse every day. My thoughts are telling me that this is not going to help me and its all useless. My self harm is becoming a daily ritual to try and cope with the overwhelming thoughts and anixety.

I'm alone, I have no support to get me through this and I'm so tired of fighting hard all the time.

3 replies

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In response to: High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

Unknown userMember25 Sept 2018, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

Hi @bean Thanks for sharing about your struggles. That sounds really tough. Good on you though for finding that drive not only get out of the house in spite of your mounting anxiety but also to speak to the GP about how you are truly feeling. It can be such an overwhelming and draining exercise, it really can be a very difficult thing to do. It sounds like your GP took you seriously though which is awesome, that initial encounter is half the battle sometimes.

I'm sorry you've had to wait for this phone call and understandably that waiting is causing more anxiety to mount... I wonder, did the doctor give you the psychologists contact information as well? How do you think it would go giving them a ring yourself to see where things are at? I know for me, if I am feeling nervous about making a phone call, I sometimes text or leave a voicemail after hours, so I know someone will call me back in a day or so. That can just help get the ball rolling anyway.

You've said you're feeling right now like reaching out is pointless and useless, but I want to encourage you to continue to tap into that part of yourself that wants to advocate for yourself, and ask for help. It can be so hard to make that help-seeking voice shout louder than the anxious voice sometimes, but you clearly have the capacity to do so, as you were so bravely able to find the strength to speak to the doctor - even if it did evoke panic, it is a brave and kind thing you did for yourself. Well done.

Remember over the coming days that if you need some more immediate support around self-harm or suicidal thoughts, you can contact the following services:
Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

Samaritans: 135 247

Take good care of yourself.

Mosaic.

In response to: High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

s-jaySenior Contributor27 Sept 2018, 2:26 pm AEST

Re: High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

I agree with @mosiac - you should be really impressed with the way you were able to open up to your GP - even if you immediately regretted it/felt overwhelmed by saying it out loud. You had just done an incredible hard thing and kept yourself safer in the process. Have you heard from the psychologist yet? If not, I'm sure your GP would like to know that you have not been contacted - they might be able to help. Keep reaching out

In response to: Re: High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

beanSenior Contributor01 Oct 2018, 3:19 pm AEST

Re: High Anxieties (mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts)

@Former-Member @s-jay

I ended up getting a phone call the day after I originally posted from my GP office saying that there had been some kind of stuff up with my referral and the psychologist hadn't received it properly, so it had to be resent, this sent me spiralling once again.

I got a phone call this morning to say I have an appointment tomorrow. Now my anxieties are sky high worrying about this impending appointment. I don't think this is going to work, my GP said I will initially have 6 visits, in the past this has been such a waste of time, I have major trust issues and with the 6 appointments I know that is going to be nowhere near the amount of time to build any trust.

I'm just going to be wasting time and resources and taking up slots that could be for someone who can actually talk about their problems. I can't deal with this stress I'm regretting even asking for help cause I know deep down I'm too broken to ever be fixed.

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