Charlie16Contributor
New BPD diagnosis
Hi everyone, I am new the group but already finding if helpful and reassuring to read some of your posts. We have had 3 years of hell and today my daughter was diagnosed with BPD. She has always been a little manipulative and behaviour became increasingly challenging from approx. 13yrs of age, but otherwise a relatively normal childhood. Although she did experience some bullying in primary school and then a sexual assault at 15yr. Addiction to marijuana followed, dropping out of school, unable to hold down a job. Following a relationship breakup and suicidal ideation, managed to get her to a psychiatrist. Initially diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, secondary depression, traits of OCD and bordering on anorexia. Started some medication which did help, but also at this time, she found a new boyfriend and moved out with him. The boyfriend has significant mental health issues and just out of rehab, but still doing drugs... not a stable environment for her but he is 'the only person that really knows her'! We put up with years of abuse, verbal and physical, especially towards her siblings. Enough was enough. The last 8mths of not having her at home has actually been so good – not walking on egg shells. Anyway, in recent weeks, she has worried with both suicidal ideation and talk of wanting to harm others. She is also experiencing some memories or visions of her childhood, where she declares that she was sexually assaulted by a girlfriend, but i don't know what to believe. She has stated that she is not safe to be alone or around anyone else. Today back to the psychiatrist and a new diagnosis and new meds to start. What is interesting is that she has turned it all around on me... traumatising childhood and saying that I had abandoned her. It is so hurtful. I have done everything in my power to keep her afloat the last 3 years. I have feared for our safety. She has stolen thousands of dollars from us. I can't do it anymore so have been trying to create new boundaries... no more money, although still get requests to cover her meds, but she manages to find money for other drugs. My other 2 children have not had contact since January and refuse to have anything to do with her. So, whilst I want to have her home to support her, a stable environment, I can't risk losing my other children, both 16yrs old and in year 11. I can't put us at risk of her abuse but then the guilt starts. She is so angry at me now. She said to me 'if you can't tolerate me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best'. There is no acknowledgement of the pain that we have all been through, but perhaps that is too much to ask. I don't know what else I can do and can see from posts that this is likely something we will have to learn to live with... I just don't feel that I have the energy... it is all consuming. But if she doesn’t get better, I fear she will end up dead or in jail after hurting someone else.
There are so many wonderful and supportive people here on the Forums who can personally relate to what you are going through (as 
