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Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

rosemary1Casual Contributor23 Sept 2018, 9:40 am AEST

Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

I have only just signed up to use the Sane forums.

Where to start. I have been trying to cope and support my 31 year old daughter who has mental health issues for years, since her mid adolescence when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Nurmerous pysychatirsts and diagnosis later I am at my wits end. Recently she was diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder by her new psychatirst. I also organised for her to see a psycholgist so that she had someone other than myself to talk to. She is currently living with me having moved home 6 months ago after a relationship breakdown. At times I feel great anger towards her as I feel she can be extremely manipulative and unpredictable. I feel emotionally and physically drained. It's 9.15 in the morning, she is still in bed and I have been up for a number of hours looking after an assortment of animals that she(and I) has taken into our home over the years. Three more that she brought into the home when she returned to live with me.I have had to pay off a number of her debts over the last few years. My financialy situation has become even more stressfull since she came home to live. She is not able to contribute financially as she has a car repayment and a centrelink debt.

I am 67 years of age and feel that I have no future. My life is governed by her moods, her decision making, whether she chooses to give me support around the house etc etc.

My dilemma how long do I provide her with a roof over her head, support her financially and emotionally and encourage her in every way I know when I see very little evidence that she is willing to make changes, be minimally cooperative or supportive of me.

If my financial postion was healthier I would tell her to leave without any qualms as I could subsidise her living cost and assist with paying off her debts but to do so at this stage of my life would quite possibly leave me in a risky financial postion. I have already drawn on savings and my supperannuation to pay off her debts in recent years.

I would be interested to hear from others who have had to make the difficult decision to ask a young person to leave the home (or have had to seek help to have them removed from the home). I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to suport her but feel that if I continue to do so (when I see so little evidence of a willingness to change on her part) that I will compromise my own mental and pysical health.

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In response to: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

FightLikeAGirlCasual Contributor16 Oct 2018, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

I'm feeling so broken and hopeless right now but reading your experiences - so similar to my own - has really helped. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. On nights like tonight, they really make a difference. I've just given my 25 year old daughter (bipolar, ptsd, anxiety and depression) an ultimatum - stay home and work on wellness or leave home. She is less than a week out of hospital (following a 2 week staying after 2 suicide attempts in one week) and refuses to help herself. She tells me she's given up. She still takes her meds and sees her psychiatrist but refuses to use any skills to manage her illness. I have bipolar 2 myself so I know how hard it can be to fight when you're exhausted. This current crisis cycle has been going on for over 2 years and I'm nearing the point of collapse. I've put off seeing a psychologist for so long so that I could afford to care for her. I recently started seeing someone again because I was barely coping. I feel like I'm carrying all the emotional burden. It's always been the two of us - from conception to now - so we are incredibly close. Giving her this ultimatum is so hard for me because I am so used to problem solving for her. I'm trying to put the burden of the responsibility on her now - to make her the hero of her story instead of the victim but it's incredibly hard. My heart is breaking.

In response to: Re: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

Shaz51Senior Contributor17 Oct 2018, 4:13 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

hello @FightLikeAGirl, @rosemary1, @Lexie, @Former-Member

how are you today my friends

In response to: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 Oct 2018, 5:35 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

I have experimented looking at over 55 villages and talking about the issues generally without going into specifics until I can get proper support for our family.

In response to: Re: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

rosemary1Casual Contributor17 Oct 2018, 5:53 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling desperate, bewildered and a host of other feelings.

My gosh I could have written this. I am so sorry that the situation has reached this stage with your daughter and that you are trying to deal with this siuation on you own. I hope you are having a better day today. I am also on my own and like you feel absolutely drained with the situation with my 31 year old girl. I have given my girl a similar ultimatum as I don't know how much longer I can keep going. Today she has spent all day in bed saying she doesn't feel good. Looking at her today I doubt that I would be able to make her leave as she literally has no one else she can turn to. She is not in a good financial situation (has debts) and therefore would find it almost impossible to live independently. My daughter has had mental health issues for a number of years. She came back to live with me about 6 months ago. She suffers from depression and anxiety. The anxiety is the main issue for her at present. Our situation is a bit unusual as I (sometimes with her support) are looking after 27 animals all rescued, many of whom were rescued by her over a ten year peiriod. She loves them but now she is back home is giving me minimal support with them or any houselhold chores. I try to be patient but ever so often I lose my cool and get furious with her as I need minimal support around the house. You mentioned that your daughter is very unmotivated and I can relate to this with my girl. She almost seems incapable of doing even small things that might make her feel better eg exercising, eating well, not going onto google and FB for hours a day. She needs a lot of help to manage her life eg budgeting, getting car serviced, remembering appointments etc etc I feel like you that I have to be one step ahead - lots of problem solving like you are doing. I am not having to deal with suidcide attempts so can not imagine how horrific this must be for you (and her). I hope you see this message - take care.

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