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Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

ScottishParrotJContributor21 Sept 2018, 6:56 pm AEST

Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Hello everyone. I have an issue I would love some insight on.

I've been seeing my current psychologist fortnightly for a few months now, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't find her quite attractive from day one, but at that point, it was simply me noticing she was good looking and that was that. As we had more sessions together though, I started actually crushing on her, but now, as I really think about it, these feelings aren't particularly romantic, or sexual. Its more platonic than that, like I wish she was my mother. The thought of actually being romantic with her weirds me out, yet I still have this crush like infatuation.

I'm 25 (hardly qualified to be) and she's in her late 30's, if that means anything. I'm also a woman; a very gay one, so this situation is confusing.

I have a letter that I've written her that addresses these feelings, but I'm unsure whether or not I should give it to her for our next session. I'm scarred she'll stop seeing me, or I'll make things super weird between us.

I'm aware of what transference is, and it seems accurate to this situation, but I feel like I haven't been seeing my psychologist long enough to justify such a connection, and I'm not sure how transference is viewed in modern psychology given how many Freudian methods of treatment have been (rightfully) moved away from.

Anyway, the letter is honest, and I do acknowledge in it that I'm aware nothing can happen between us for obvious legal and ethical reasons; also the reasons why I think I have these feelings, confusing as they may be. Is it worth giving it to her? I don't want to distract from our work or ruin what I have with her. I'm scarred I'll lose her respect, she'll find me weird, or that she'll stop seeing me all together. I address these fears in the letter, but I'm still terrified.

Thank you. Help is appreciated.

29 replies

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In response to: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Sept 2018, 5:26 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

It seems like you have a great rapport with her and she is actually helping you and that is not always easy to find @ScottishParrotJ The work in these sessions is sometimes super hard so it is good that you still can find the humour in things as well. It seems like you are onto a winning combination and that is awesome.

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

ScottishParrotJContributor24 Sept 2018, 5:39 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

I had a lot of trouble during times when I needed to find a psychiatrist because they're so hard to find without having to pay a huge amount, but the amazing luck I've had with psychologists almost makes up for it haha

My current one is the first I've seen in a few years, but the one I had before her was wonderful too, but I had to stop seeing her because I moved.

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Sept 2018, 5:48 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

I had a wonderful psychologist but had to stop seeing her because I was being re-trraumatised. It wasn't anyone's fault - I just was not ready for that type of therapy and in a very vulnerable state. By that time we had also finally found a psychiatrist and I had started seeing her - and she is wonderful as well. She basically took over all therapy and medications. My GP was happy about that as she had tried a few but I wasn't really getting anywhere. I now do DBT as well as weekly sessions with my psychiatrist and weekly visits to my GP. Both are away for 3 weeks but I am seeing the psychologist who takes DBT for extra sessions so I have ongoing support. It was really good of her to do that as I know she doesn't usually see clients that also do DBT with her - it certainly eased my mind as I presumed I would have no support for that period until this was organised.

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

ScottishParrotJContributor24 Sept 2018, 7:16 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

@Zoe7 I'm glad you got the support you needed in the end and have found what works for you 🙂

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Sept 2018, 7:19 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Thanks @ScottishParrotJ - glad you have someone that works for you too

Do you have plans for tomorrow? Tues and Thurs are my pool days where I do hydrotherapy for my back - then I try to float around for a while and enjoy just being in the water.

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

ScottishParrotJContributor24 Sept 2018, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

sounds intense @Zoe7

I actually have a bake sale to work in the morning- my graphic design class needs to raise funds for our graduation exhibition; then I have to skip my afternoon class for a physio appointment, theeeeen I have to go to an event for an innovation program I'm on the committee for. So yeah, packed schedule haha

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Zoe7Senior Contributor24 Sept 2018, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

You do have a busy day @ScottishParrotJ

Hydrotherapy is quite cruisy - I have my exercises program that I usually get through twice and then have time to relax a bit more. The great thing about the water is that it takes some of the pressure off my back but I still strengthen it with the exercises. It is getting better but I need to keep up the work to stay on top of it. Depending on how many people are at the pool depends on how long I stay. Last week I had the pool to myself for 10 minutes when everyone else had gotten out - it was so peaceful.

The other people who are regulars at the same time I go are all really nice so it is a pleasant environment to be in and I actually look forward to my pool times.

What is your physio for?

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

ScottishParrotJContributor25 Sept 2018, 3:47 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

That's good to hear @Zoe7 🙂

Its nothing major, I just have a weird, dull leg pain that's been there for the past few months- according to my GP its a neurological issue. I've been getting accupuncture and been given stretches to do, all of which are quite easy for me. Fortunately its not something that is impacting signifacantly in my regular physical activity, but the stress of my final semester isn't helping haha. I did have to cancel my evening plans though because I need to rest it just after the stabbing session I had today lol

In response to: Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

Zoe7Senior Contributor25 Sept 2018, 4:46 pm AEST

Re: Feelings for psychologist. What happens if I tell her?

It sucks when we have to change or cancel plans because of a physical condition @ScottishParrotJ I hope it eases soon for you. I walked in the water for 30 minutes today - I didn't do all my usual exercises as I was late getting there today and a large group that come usually when I finish were there earlier today also - I floated around for a little while but there were too many people in the water so I got out. I will miss my session on Thursday because I am going to a meeting some distance away. I will try to get another walk along the beach in this week though.

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