self care

Hi I have been a single mum for 11 years and my life is indeed a juggle but I have managed to always have some me time. Some ideas that may work:

-while children are doing swimming lessons do laps or go 4 a spa after you watch them swim for 5 minutes

-have a pamper bath at night after they have gone to bed

-go for a walk around the your office in your lunch break, walk to work, walk to train, park car 10 min walk from work...get fresh air during the day outside the office

-book in one night for yoga, exercise etc a week and stick to that routine. Have a look up on www.meetup for any groups that are of interest to you and make a commitment even if its once a month, once a fortnight, one a week.

-go for a walk after dinner in summer, get the kids to ride scooter or bikes etc. I would come home after work and school at 3.30pm, drop all bags, get changed and go for a walk while my daughter rode her scooter.

-if you like reading join a book club. Look first in your local library or council.

-Just set aside ME TIME and dont feel guilty women tend to stretch ourselves all the time and then when we fall in a heap the family crumbles so be positive and say I need this me time and DO IT or TRY IT.

Hi @Wisewomen,

They are all great ideas, Well done on always creating some you time. Sounds like you were able to manage things really well. I'm a school teacher and we dont get many breaks at school. On Wednesdays I have double dutys (recess and teach choir through lunch) which is my worst (though i do love choir) day. My kids go to osch two days a week which is all i can afford - one night for Staff meeting night and one night for team meetings and i usually pick them up just before 6 on those days as im trying to do as much as i can those nights. The other nights i try to leave by 4:30 but the kids are so tired (my youngest is 4). I tried to go to yoga one night at a place that has a creche (i dont have any family/friends) but my lil one was too tired, it was much older kids in there at that time (6:30pm - only time for yoga during the week). I looked up meetup, looks awesome but none here (we're a regional centre). But i do go to the special railway park on sundays and the kids take their bikes and ride around and i follow with a coffee. But everything else social wise that i've looked into is just not possible because of no child care, or too late at nights. I was crocheting which was nice and it is relaxing but i sort of go up and down with that, and colouring, its good for a while, then i just find it boring or just really lonely i think. I was hoping that going back to work was going to ease some of the social lonliness that im feeling but im feeling almost worse because im the odd one out, outsider still (i'm hoping that with time that will get better though!)

I do feel guilty about me time, you're exactly right though, to be the best mum i can be, i have to be healthy and happy, and looking after myself is really important... keep tyring i guess...

Thanks so much for replying @Wisewomen

hi. It seems like your doing a great job as a teacher and mum. The school term has just started and I bet in 6 months you will have a network of friends. You just need to swallow pride ans ask for help. On yoga night it may be possible to find a teenager to look after all the children for 1 1/2 hours that is a neighbour, you can look for adds on community notice boards or shops. Another idea is to ask the school care people if they can babysit. A lot of options do revolve around $ so pick one that is best for you. I know you little one is tired but they are resilient at that age..a little treat of favourite dinner, iPad time, sticker etc may be all you need to make both of you feel that the yoga class was worth it. It all takes time and you may only manage to go once a fortnight or month but at least that is a start with a goal to weekly. With meet up if you put in your postcode it may bring up a group close buy. You can also suggest a baby sitting club where you use tokens for hours instead of money. I'm sure if you put a add in the school newsletter you will get interest.

I guess you just have to think outside the square, your work week is busy so invest in socialising on the weekends. As parents we do everything for our kids social life but forget about ours. Maybe do something 4 yourself and just take the kids along even if it's full of winging etc. You will set up a routine like you have on Sunday's that everyone likes...as the children grow older you will be able to read a magazine whilst sitting on a bench in peace while the children ride there bikes.

You will come to a point when you are happy with quiet time. A full day at school, kids and activities at night etc will make you appreciate the time they are in bed. Your me time. It's is lonely at the start but you will develop a routine that suits you. Watch those shows you taped on tv, read a book, have a bubble bath, have a cup of tea and chocolate treat all in PEACE.

yes keep trying and ask for help. Have a nice weekend.

Thanks so much @Wisewomen

i realy hope so, things are just exhausting right now.

I have some family court stuff tomorrow so I've had to take the day off for that, and my son was sick at the start of the week so i had to have a day off then, and its really hard to balance everything and keep things on track lol even without fitting in the me time stuff.But plod onwards we go! I do like my evening quiet time, when i get some... even if its just watching a dvd, so that is down time for me, i think i just feel like something is missing... but as you say, building up social network takes time in a new place.

Hope you've had a nice week?

LJ

Hello @Former-Member

One thing is not to confuse 'me time' with 'alone/quiet time'. I have way too much alone time but use very little of it as me time. A half hour soaking in a nice bubble bath, letting your mind just float, is better than hours of being alone but distracted, even if it is only by a movie or TV.

Personally my other self care issues aren't very good. While over the last few weeks my diet has improved I still don't eat when & what I should. Some days I will only eat once, not good when I'm also diabetic. Exercise is erratic but at least at the moment I'm getting out a few times a week, mainly because I'm enjoying my photography which is part of my walks. And don't talk to me about sleep patterns - hello, I'm posting this at 3:15 am!

I think I need to make some of that 'me time' too, and find someone for share 'us time' with.

Take care

Hello everyone , I hate being alone cause it scares me as My mind just won't stop thinking about a all my problems, I usually watch my shows, do crocheting, have a bubble bath, read a book or listening to an audio book, but when my depression and anxiety take a dive then nothing works.

I am separated and have 3 son's and 1 daughter who was my best friend and someone who was always there for me and helped, unfortunately she left last June interstate to live with her friend I asked her not to go as I needed her but she couldn't take the fighting arguments and name calling from her dad and brothers anymore and it was to late and I blame myself.

I used to have my times when she lived here but nothing since then even though my son's still live with me I still feel so lonely, people always mistakes it saying I'm snobbish and too good for them and that makes me feel even worse, hopefully when my crisis is sorted out then my time may be possible again.

Dear @saturnzoon

Thank you for your great comment for my dear darling friend @Former-Member

You do not sound snobbish AT ALL. you sound like someone who is very exhausted and sad. We are all here for you. You can always say hi to me. I'm usually floating around ...I miss my friends called @Shaz51 or @Appleblossom or @Marizita a lot but we always connect and Im hoping that they can say hi to you too.

I've just got to warn you that @Shaz51 loves her work .....and her heart is very big........, like @Mazarita and the other one; @Appleblossom......shes different in how she sees things and it's very refreshing.

Thats a paper clay little dish that I think I might try and make.......... that cat dish I've just posted........

Dear @Former-Member

My friend who has helped me so much in the past couple of years....

I tend to agree with @Wisewomen on the making friends bit.Just let the universe turn around a couple of times and before you know it....an invitation gets given....They will be extremely lucky to have you in their lives. You are such a good kind person who listens to others.

How is your unit going?

I also agree with hiring a teenager to care for your children when you go to yoga, it might feel scary for you but places that you can ask like; other fellow teacher's teenage children ?

Also, Im thinking of what self care that I do. It has take me yers and years to learn what I know........and I've had years of being very iscolated and alone. Im not trying to say...I know what you feel like because you are very unique.

CAn I write like, just some ideas for someone your age?

meditation classes

Dancing classes in the ......City of council website where you live. They do have like a social page...in my state ; in Western Australia ........

Sewing classes. in the local community suburb area/ shopping centre.

I relally believe in minute mindfullness. Just when your walking to focus on putting one stap in front of the other.

My support person, who I am seeing once per week, is telling me that I need to walk more and take Arlo down the beach and speak to no one but just sit there and stare in front of me, she said it would be a good place to self care; just sit there and look at the waves come in and come out.

cherub little @Former-Member

Always thinking of you xx

I'm not very good at self-care. I don't have children so in theory I do have a lot of "me" time outside of work. However, I don't use it wisely. I waste hours on facebook (which just makes me depressed more because you can't help but compare your life to others)...... or I just veg on the couch watching TV that doesn't even interest me. I do pay for a gym membership but I rarely have the motivation to get there. Sometimes I go out to a meetup and this is always a wonderful experience and I have a great time..... but then I won't have the motivation to get to another one for a few weeks.

It's strange because at work I am motivated most of the time and get my job done.... I chat sociably to my colleagues.

But at home I fall into a heap of lack of motivation and depression. I really need to change this. Life is so short and I feel years slipping away.

Hello @Mel3, @PeppiPatty, @saturnzoon, @Drac0, @Wisewomen

how i everyone today , hope you are ok