a mouse....

me again. yey !!

i'm not in a good way at the mo. i don't mind talking about it if you don't mind reading about it.

i'm not after a fix from you. nor sympathy. nor a cuppa tea.

i'm an aggitated. annoyed. fearless. non my life threatening hell raising tea drinker at the moment. like the devil is growing within and angels can only watch from behind the teapot.

cruising for a bruising. sooo much rage held within me. but becuase i'm a responsible, it'll come out in my immortal technique i guess. at some point. when i've reached max i guess. but to be honest my immortal technique don't go anywhere. it's another battle i fight. just bide my time. then BAM !

i'm off work at the moment. my choice. the boss doesnt understand this thing i got. all he's bothered about is getting the job done. bah.. least of my worries that is pal.

i don't tell him/them. i just don't rock up to work. a bit on the reverse of responsibe innit ? but all comm's are down when i'm in a low. a rage. a depression. but then i have to ex[lain my behaviour upon my comeback. hence had sooo many jobs. what is stability ? in any area.

i live in a house that has 2 housemates. and when i'm in low/depreesed/rage i really wish i could be alone. as i really dont want my actions / mood whatever to influence their natural behaviour of living.

i drive. i go to a place where no one can find me. no one knows where i go. it's where the indian ocean meets the southern ocean. a beautiful place. i lay on the rocks and watch the stars. listen to the waves. there is no symmpathy. no questions. no interference. just me & tea.

if i entrusted my life to my room in my house i would rage outward. and rip someones throat out. cos unless all your friends have bipolar dissorder, no one appreciates how you are. how you go. they have that party at your house after they finish working at the bar. they play loud music whilst you're head is under the duvet. screaming. crying. wishing all this would end. one way or another. and this is cos it's not just my house.. it's our house. they should be able to play their music loud just as much as i don't want them too. you get me? my rights don't come above anyone elses.

so like the mouse. i never entrust my life to the one hole.

actually a cuppa tea would be nice. but my housemate is in. i don't want to be questioned about my mood.

#firstworldproblems