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Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

BluJayContributor08 Sept 2018, 11:38 am AEST

Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

Hello,

I’m new here, and maybe not particularly great with introductions in my current state of mind. I’ve struggled with mental illness for over half my life now, moments where I felt I was “rid of my illness” only to heavily relapse two years ago which doesn’t feel it’s getting any better. I see my psychologist as often as I am able but this can sometimes be a 6-8 week gap between appointments. I have been prescribed medication but I fail to take it properly so it has no real affect aside from making me sick.

I have a partner and 7yo daughter whom I honestly feel would be better off without me most the time.

As each day passes I feel more alone than I did the day before. I don’t have a very stable family and they all live a reasonable distance from me so I can’t really talk to them and I generally feel like a burden. I have a select couple friends who I don’t want to drown in my despair, but also don’t know the extent of my mental health.

I just wish wish I had someone to relate to, someone that I don’t feel like I’m drowning in my day to day struggles and issues.

Todays a bad day, I had a awful dream that I know is not real, but it heavily triggered me from the moment I woke up, I have not been able to pull myself from bed since I woke at 6am it’s now 11am. I did get up and put myself in the shower with intentions of getting dressed but I just came back to bed and cried. I was meant to have plans today, well I do have plans today, but I can see no point in doing anything. I love coffee, I love video games, I love cleaning and it’s such a beautiful day outside but I don’t even want a coffee or to focus on a game or to clean my shower like i was going to. I’m meant to go meet my partner and we are meant to go out and visit our friends, all I want to do is sleep. I don’t want to sleep because I’m tiredness I just want to sleep because I don’t want to feel like this. My eyes feel puffy from crying, I feel selfish, I hate against myself because I forever wish to be “normal”. It’s just getting so much worse and days like today, just make me wish I wasn’t me.

Why do I feel like im the only one like this? Am I alone?

15 replies

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In response to: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

DGoldmanSenior Contributor19 Sept 2018, 8:24 am AEST

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@BluJay I hear you - I have similar experience. I don’t want to get out of bed - it feels to me like I actually can’t. And all I want to do is sleep. I may have to go

to work that day or have planned housework or a catch up with a friend but I just can’t bring myself to get up. As for what to do I eventually just force myself to get up - but this can be after a few hours or a whole day.

But know that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling.

best, D

In response to: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

BluJayContributor19 Sept 2018, 11:53 am AEST

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

Yeah I don’t really get a chance to do the cold calling and when I do I will find something else to do because cold calling makes me feel so anxious and sick. I just hate making phone calls unannounced. Especially trying to sell something! It just sucks because I loved this job up until roughly 4 months ago where they changed me into business development, event coordinator and assistant venue manager(that does more than the “manager”)

I’ve applied for other jobs and I’m currently at my local favourite cafe about to go to drop in a resume at a place around the corner from my house. So fingers crossed I can get out, but still afford to live and not struggle.

In response to: Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

BluJayContributor19 Sept 2018, 11:58 am AEST

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@DGoldman the day after I was great! I was happy and excited because I was going to play golf (I’ve taken a liking to golf in the past year and I find it helps switch my mind off when I’m on the course). However it takes some days a lot to convince myself I love golf.

I just want to be happy and not feel anxious and worry all the time, but it’s a weird worry it like makes my stomach feel tight and I loose my appetite and I start snowball panicking about EVERYTHING.

It’s so nice (in a odd way) that there are others out here with me that struggle each day. Putting on our “happy faces” and falling apart behind them. Mental illness is so shit and life ruining on so many levels, I just want to beat it! But I want to be a great partner and parent and employee and family member.

In response to: Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

DGoldmanSenior Contributor19 Sept 2018, 1:21 pm AEST

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@BluJay Same here - I worry about one thing, then another thing, then it snowballs into worrying about everything, even things that haven’t happened yet!

I know exactly what you mean when you say putting in yr happy face but falling apart behind it. I feel like I’m losing my ability to keep my happy face ‘on’. It takes so much effort (for me anyway) to appear ‘normal’ and i find it hard to contain the negative emotion from escaping.

In response to: Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

BluJayContributor22 Sept 2018, 2:10 pm AEST

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

I saw a post on SANE the other day, about deciding what to do when you reach the point that living is probably just about as good as not existing. Almost every day when I’ve driven to work (when I’m by myself) over the last week or so I consider the option of driving my car into a barrier on the expressway. I cannot do anything right anymore. My ex partner told me that I would never survive without someone else holding me up. And I think about that every day. I’m going to ruin my child I’m going to make her turn out like me. She’s so much better off without me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

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