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Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Lt72884Senior Contributor08 Sept 2018, 4:54 am AEST

Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Ello all:)

I am nervous and anxious. My wife who has been diagnosed with BPD and some traits of paranoid schizaphrenia, has not had an explosive fit for about 10 days now and that terrifies me. She usually has them at least twice a week. She is refussing treatment and medication.

The reason for my anxiousness i sthe mere fact that i have no idea what is going on at the moment and if it is safe for me to emotionally connect with her. I have not emotionally conneted with her for about 2-3 months now on a deeper level.

The only changes that have happened in the last two weeks are when her BPD mother told me infront of her own daughter that "If you are going to divorce amanda or leave her, do it now" apparently i had triggered the mother somehow when i was there. Her husband had left her about a year and a half ago.

Im thinking this really triggered my wife somehow and she is just holding in EVERYTHING!!! and here soon, there will be a ka-freakin-boom of stuff.

I also think i have given in to some of the victim mentallity a little bit. She plays that card ALOT, and i mean ALOT! For example, the other morning, she woke up really upset, i could tell. It was another bpd cycle starting to begin. So i felt scared and i went and gave her a big hug and said i love ya. Then all of a sudden, she was fine. So i knew i had diffused a bomb. HOWEVER, i then realized that she was playing the whole "My husband hates me and cant stand the looks of me. if he doesnt hug me, then i know it is true and he hates me" i knew this because of her words and actions after i had hugged her. How quickly she snapped out of it and acted like NOTHING had been going on. I have done this 3 times in the last 8 days.

so i am scared, nervous and very anxious because i dont feel emotionally safe at all and i dont feel happy. My brain keeps trying to tell me that a miracle has happened and that she is healed and cured from her BPD.

I wish she would take dbt with me. I have offered many times and she avoids it each time, but yet gets extremly mad at me when i am not seeing a therapist.

once again, thank you all:)

6 replies

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In response to: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

BluJayContributor08 Sept 2018, 12:01 pm AEST

Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Hiya 🙂

I’m probably not great with advice but I can some what relate and you’ve kind of made me think more about how my mental health affects my partner. I have been living with anxiety and depression for over half my life and recently diagnosed with BPD.

As I don’t know your wife/her triggers/her circumstances. I can’t say “oh I’m the same” but I can say that I will open up and speak with my partner easier if I know I’m not going to drag him down. My partner has previously been diagnosed with depression but hasn’t ever really done anything about it. I am a very emotional person and if he is sad I’ll get sad or if I am down it’s easier for him to get down. (Sorry if I’m off the topic) I think for myself, all I ever want is for my partner to care and for him to give me the signs that I can open up and talk. Otherwise I just keep the walls up and then end up having emotional overwhelming experiences that set off all my irrational schemas and I blow up.

I’m now starting to worry I’m saying the wrong things. I’m sorry. I probably didn’t help at all.

In response to: Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

PeppiPattySenior Contributor09 Sept 2018, 1:55 am AEST

Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Dear @BluJay

@this is an amazing response to @Lt72884..... I’m one of the community guides on these forums. That just means that i’ve Been on the forums a bit longer than both of you and supposed to know where you could meet other people.

So so I’ll give it a go first : if you have a lookin to the thread called ; “introduce yourself,” you have a chance to meet other community guides and new people like you.

My my name is PeppiPatty : I live in Western Australia and care for my husband diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia and one son with Bipolar.

Im so impressed with both of your stories. You are both like experiencing and living with someone diagnosed with bod. Some other people I can think of who care for or are diagnosed are @Zoe7 ( I don’t know if she’s diagnosed but doing the dbt course) @Smc @outlander

But I’ll think of others and add em on.

Hope to to see you around !

In response to: Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Zoe7Senior Contributor09 Sept 2018, 8:38 am AEST

Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

@Lt72884 @BluJay @PeppiPatty I am doing DBT but I don't have BPD so probably can't help much with your situation @Lt72884 I am sorry you are going through all this with your wife though and hope she will change her mind and see someone to help her.

In response to: Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Lt72884Senior Contributor11 Sept 2018, 7:39 am AEST

Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Ello @BluJay

Thank you for your reply. It is great to hear from you. From your reply alone, i gather two things:) First, you are begining to accept yourself and that you have BPD:) Kudos to you. It puts you in a very vulnerable posistion and thats scary:) Second, you are willing to get the help that you deserve:)

Do not worry about your comments. They were much appreciated and did help. I could tell you all day not to worry about it, but in the end, its up to our own self to work through that fear of rejection that someone may not like what we have to offer. I know that feeling and it hurts when i feel i have upset someone, especially people close to me.

She did have a BIG explosion last night due to me putting up a boundry she did not like. It lasted most of the night and part of the morning. Alot of victum mentality and yes, i do have to give in sometimes in order to difuse a situation or it can go down the road of her attempting to take her life again. That has all ready happened 5 times and im tired to be honest haha.

Thanks for all the replies:)

In response to: Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Lt72884Senior Contributor13 Sept 2018, 4:32 am AEST

Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

My posts were gettin filtered by the SPAM server so i am now replying to this:)

Thank you for the support and i wish she would get the help as well. I hate seeing people hurt and to be honest, i would rather hurt and take all the pain and be miserable if it ment she was happy, but i see how that is not healthy either. I feel completely powerless to leave this situation and to take care of myself.

🙂 thanks

In response to: Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

Nay69Senior Contributor03 Nov 2018, 1:35 am AEDT

Re: Its been 10 days since a nuclear explosion. im getting nervous

@Lt72884

Keep your own self of calm.

Know that you cannot change someone else’s bad behaviour, but only change the way that you react to it.

From there you will be stronger
Sending love and strength xoxo

@JoeTheLion

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