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WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

SlybabyContributor20 Feb 2016, 11:57 pm AEDT

WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

I constantly feel restless, worried, scared and anxious. I worry that I am never going to get better and live a normal life or have a career and be successful.

I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but I have been better, i stopped most of my bad habits that I do to harm myself . The symptoms that could be seen or done are gone. I feel like I am more in control but the feeling of sadness comes back.

The feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness is always there. I regret all of the decisions that I made and I always have the feeling of running away all time, which I have done but doesn't really work.

I am on anti-depressants for 2years and therapy for just 6 sessions last year because I couldn't afford it.

Im going to see a gp again but i am always scared that no one would be able to help me 😞 i feel trapped. Help

20 replies

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In response to: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Unknown userMember25 Feb 2016, 9:29 pm AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

No please don't be upset with your self!!! Before the therapy do you think you would of been able to deal with the though of starting a job with people? Do you think you could of even walked into the building? Do you think you even lasted 2 hours?

You did AMAZING!!!!!

I know you probably wish you did better but when you have a good sleep and thinking a bit clearer and the stress from the anxiety starts to leave, look at how great you did and think next time I'm going to do even better x

In response to: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

SlybabyContributor26 Feb 2016, 12:30 am AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

@Former-Member thank you! 🙂 that made me feel
so much better. I did try my very best. i will try again next time. I just feel like i should be doing what everyone else is doing to feel normal. I can't quite accept it yet that i have this condition.

With regards to my appointment with the doctor, she gave me a new meds to try.

@Appleblossom @Former-Member thank you for the wonderful messages. 🙂

In response to: Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2016, 12:41 am AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Hi @Slybaby

Congrats on getting to work, and also for knowing your limits. I dont see your day as a failure, but a success as you got there. I guess know you know what you want to work on still too in therapy and having a goal to work towards is good.

Hope the new meds help and that its a smooth transition going on to them.

Good luck!

In response to: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2016, 1:34 am AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Don't worry I'm fully understand what you mean wanting to do what everyone else feels is normal. Its very hard to accept our conditions and not fun. I've still really haven't accepted it.

But when it comes to work I can't do a full 38-45 hours I use to be able to do a week, I can only just do 30 before I start smapping badly and I would get really mad at myself as I felt like a failure and not normal. Then I started thinking what is normal and then thinking we are all better at different things in life and some people can work full weeks and i can cook better then others. We all have our own talents and working is not one of them at the moment but that's ok because I can do other things amazing. That thinking started making me feel better about my situation.

Again good on you for even getting to work! Keep on trying, there's going to be good days and poopy days but your always a step ahead and are great

In response to: Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

BamBamSenior Contributor26 Feb 2016, 7:50 am AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Hi @Slybaby

I recently got diagnosed with SAD too...it's scary thinking you have to go through life unengaged with other people.

I have changed my career plans to involve working with less contact with people, while making sure I have a way to keep being connected with support groups and close family.

I hope things go well for you when you do return to work. If you are having trouble, my psychologist has got me doing graded exposure, might be worth looking into.

In response to: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

SlybabyContributor26 Feb 2016, 11:30 am AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

@Former-Member thank you. My goal is to get better but i am putting my life on hold and that worries me a lot. 😞

Everyday I think about my condition. It occupies my mind 100% of the time. Its tiring 😞 Just to clear it out, I completely can't work. I have been unemployed since last year and it makes me feel useless.
Although i still have my online shop, i guess my weakness is going to work and dealing with people but I am creative. @Former-Member you are right. I have my strengths and weaknesses.

@BamBam im sorry to hear you got diagnosed too. Its not a very good feeling. Is the graded exposure working?

In response to: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2016, 3:12 pm AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

I fully understand what your saying, it occupies my mind to 😞 I went through a stage when I could not work at all, then I got to 12 hours a week and now I'm on 30 but it took me a long time and to be honest like today it's hard and I'm on the verge of chucking a sickie but then last week it was so simple.

That's great you can still do your on line store because at times even doing a task like that can be hard and yes you got your creative strength. Is it just me or does everyone with a mental illness creative?

You soon will learn how to deal with people. It's tough but you will get there x

In response to: Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

BamBamSenior Contributor26 Feb 2016, 4:13 pm AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

@Slybaby well stage 1 of the graded exposure is complete - walking down the street! And writing down what I thought and felt in my body in detail, so we can analyse it in therapy.

Last time we worked out that a lot of things that we believe about ourselves/others are judgments, not facts. Relates to the whole mindfulness thing in some way I bet.

But if you can do it with sheer willpower, you have already won 🙂

In response to: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

SlybabyContributor27 Feb 2016, 12:07 am AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

@Former-Member sometimes i don't believe in myself, but i know I am because people say it. When I see other peoples work, i get upset and think they are so much better than me. But im learning to believe in myself.
Im happy that you have gotten a lot better. I hope I can be in that place too, soon!

@BamBam thank you, i have worked around my anxiety too like you did when you changed your career plans. I love working alone and helping customers but when it comes to dealing with workmates I cant. My SA is confusing at times~ I can't wait to start my therapy and get better. This is the first time that im putting all my energy in to getting better.

In response to: Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

BamBamSenior Contributor02 Mar 2016, 3:22 pm AEDT

Re: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

Hi @Slybaby

How are you going with work and stuff?

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