Who am i without my depression???

Hi everyone

im 21 and i live in iran right now and I'm dealing with depression,anxiety, psychic attacks and many other stuff through my life since i was about 12 I think.

About 6 months ago i really decided to do something about my mental problems(depression,ect...) And now im visiting a psychiatrist and kindda about to take the pills because I don't have any idea how can i make myself to feel better, i Don't have any inspiration or motivation to do anything and can't even set simple goals in my life.

Life seems so meaningless for me .

Now, there is something that really bothers me, depression is a part of my personality now for real, ppl know me with my depression, the art that i like,say music/illustration is very dark, like metal music for example, i totally like dark stuff, dark clothes, dark atmospheres if u get what im saying...how can i be treated? How can i throw away all those dark and beautiful thoughts, concepts, music .....just away? What comes next?

I feel that depression is the only thing that i have, that somehow moves me, inspires me...or can i be wrong?

Lets make it clear a little bit,

Can i be cured or treated with antideppresants and feel much happier,much better...but still can enjoy, understand and develop dark mind atmospheres for myself?

How can i Be positive, if wanting to understand all negativity?

Sry for poor eng