MY BROTHER

I am the oldest of 4. My two brothers are 15 and 20 and my sister is 18. The dynamcis of our family have shifted quite drastically in the past 3 years.

My father accepted a position and my family moved while I stayed behind to finish University. I recently got married and am starting my life with my husband. We have some big business plans and I am trying to be excited but my family, more specifically my 20 year old brother, is oftentimes a source of my anxiety and depression.

My 20 year old brother has faced severe mental illness his entire life (as have the rest of us). My father was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression in his 30's and is medicated as are all of his children.

My brother has never had the ability to make decisions. His anxiety has always manifested in a way that his fear of making the "wrong decision" has paralyzed him his. entrire life. The kid is a genuis but a mess. He just started his second year at University after completing a coveted internship program and being asked to work for one of the top professors in the field of engineering. However, the kid is riddled with so much anxiety he is constantly pouring over decisions that other people would make with ease.

He cannot decide if he wants to pursue engineering (even thought we have explained to him 100's of times that he can do anything with that degree) or switch to psychology which is his true passion-me and my parents have been completely suppportive of this "decision" but again the anxiety that accompanies making such a decision has completely paralyzed him to the point where he is using my mother as a crutch.

After my family moved my brother had a hard time making friends. He's always had a hard time making friend but at his old school he had friends he knew since Kindergarten. This was different. He can be socially awkward and his anxiety coupled with years of being self conscious about his weight (he was an obese child but has since lost all the weight) has made forming genuine friendships with people difficult.

My mother stayed home to raise us and therefore was always there to deal with our mental illness. By the time my brother started showing signs of anxiety, she already knew what she was in for because of my behavior. Unfortunately she did not get a break as all four of us deal with crippling anxiety (although some of us are better at handling it than others). While my mother was in no way a push over and could even be considered a hard ass she loved her children very much and saw the pain that our minds caused us. She "coddled" us in the sense that she encouraged us to shared EVERYTHING with her, and share we did, oftentimes to a fault, something i am aware is rare and usually desired by most mothers. I bet my mothers sometimes wishes she could have cold and distanct children, children who did not need her every waking second of the day.

My brothers both use her as a punching bag (after watchning my father verbally abuse her for years) but my 20 year old brother is starting to truly concern me. He threatens killing himself constantly and talks to my mother several times a day, each time with a different opinion of his life, himself and his future. His emotions are so volatile he will call and be excited about what his future holds and call back two hours later convinced he needs to end his life. This is what my mother deals with on a daily basis. He is literally driving her crazy and using his mental illness as a manipulative tool to keep her as his crutch. He recently decided to go back for his second year of University and after my parents made the payment has since done a 180 and has decided he needs to take the semester off. Mind you my parents are not incredibly wealthy and his education has taken quite a toll on their financial wellbeing. I understand he is in pain but his narcissism does not allow him to think of anyone else's emotional well being but himself.

He has been going to therapy since he was 14 but recently confessed to my mother that he has never been honest with a therapist. My mother has done everything (hence the coddling) to try to get this boy to help himself because frankly we are all scared he will end his life.

I am truly scared for my mother, my brother and my entire family. I realize it is not my job to be his parent. I recently had to confess to my mom that I could not handle her updates on his complete manic episodes and she essentially lost the only person she could talk. However, I have always been the "rock" of the family and I have this desire to help in any way I can!

I cry for her everyday and I don't know what to do to cope myself and to help my family cope. ANY advice is appreciated...