Life fails!

I feel awful, really really awful. I've let everyone down I think. I was selected randomly (althoughI don't really think this was the case) to have all my outstanding subjects opened on the online learning portal and for me to catch up entirely. In all I had 8 assignments to finish. Some of them I had no idea what to do because I was absent from class due to illness (remember I had flu a little while ago and then my MI really hasn't been right either leading to unexplained absenteeism). I didn't get them done and now the whole class has been punished by the teacher and management refusing to open locked past subjects for students to finish and submit. I think I just failed my course! I tried really hard to do them, I really did. I got 3 done of the 8 required. I feel so damn embarrassed and really shitty. This course was everything to me and now I've stuffed it for everyone including me. How could I be so selfish? Strangely, I cannot cry over it (probably because I am still in shock over the decision). I just finished assignment number 4 just now and the teacher has said from now on she is going to be really picky about who passes and who fails. I am basically stuffed I think!

This is the last straw in my hopeless stupid life. I am sat here with textbooks open assignments being hurried and starting half-heartedly at a full bottle of alcohol. In times past I would have so easily drank it, but I am trying so hard to improve my morals with this course too (I guess I am learning something). I am not smart enough to finish community college, I'll never make it at University!

Another pipe dream washed down the drain.

End rant.

Thanks for replying @outlander, I really appreciate it more than you know. I feel kind of sick in the tummy about this. I have a really bad feeling about it. I think I just should stop trying to win at life because I'm nothing but a failure! 😞 Still not crying just in shock.

The only day tutors are available, my Mrs puts all her 'stuff' on (like couples counselling and hospital appointments). I really wish she didn't. We haven't been to tutoring in months! It's really stressing me out but I cannot change it as it means if she re-schedules her appointments, she goes to the bottom of the list and has to wait about 2 years all over again. I can't get there without her because it is miles and miles away from the nearest public transport (which I am frightened about anyway as I don't travel well). This week the Mrs has appointments and next week her Mother has appointments. Meanwhile we are getting further and further behind. It just makes me feel ill.

That's not a bad idea @outlander. I don't know exactly where to find past students but I can always ask tomorrow when I go to class. Usually tutors are free but I am happy to go private if I have to. If I had a medical certificate, I'd be okay but because the GP refused to write one about my depression, I'd not like my chances about getting one for the flu that has now gone anyway. It is near impossible to get into my doctor without almost a week's notice. It sucks!

I must admit I've never thought of using the college's Facebook to advertise for a tutor. It's something I can definitely try to do (the worst that could happen is my post is taken down). They do have a page specifically for students. I've never seen anyone advertise for a tutor there (it's mostly jobs being advertised in the field). Here's hoping eh?