How am I exactly?

Good morning, @Mulgajane. I sometimes wonder things like this too.

For example, in general, my mind feels crowded at the moment. Too many voices and apparitions from my past, followed by mental gymnastics drawn from psychology and new age learnings to try to calm the emotional influence of all these overabundant memories. But are the psychological gymnastics just crowding my brain further? Making it race even more, or overstimulating it?

Then I try breathing exercises, which definitely help sometimes but not always. There are many times I am simply unable to concentrate long enough to keep my mind on my breath, or progressive relaxation. It just keeps racing away. At some point the futility of the effort leads to just surrendering to the mind's rapid static.

These are examples off the top of my head and a bit tangential to your thoughts on this.

Underlying it all, though, is a sense sometimes that we are all a part of the experimental history of psychology and psychiatry. We just happen to live in this place and time, with its sometimes beneficial and sometimes ineffective, or harmful, treatments. I sometimes imagine future society looking back on where we are now, incredulous at some of what we encounter now, in our search for healing and relief from pain.

I think we are probably better off than we used to be though, in those earlier historical times. The quest for better answers to these painful questions of mental illness, seems to be neverending. I guess my own approach has been to try things out, take what seems to be helpful and, in the face of my fear of the future, hope for the best.

Hello @Mulgajane

Early on in life I instinctively believed that wounded healers were better able to understand another pain, but there are limits to that idea.

To thrive there needs to be healthy ways of being...

Am I reading correctly that you are also a nurse?

Being able to see both sides can be a help as you know what to do, but a hundrance in that you might have high expectations of what you should do or be.

Try to be kind to yourself and not pin yourself down too much.

I hear your anxiety. Hope it helps a bit posting on the forum.

Hello @Mulgajane

Thank you for sharing what is happening for you, I can hear how you are unsure of how you are doing and trying to process all of this on your own which can seem for some people quite overwhelming.

I like to think of humans not as islands - we can only take so much as one person, but we thrive from connecting from others who are somewhat safe when vulnerable and reaching out when our emotions are telling us things.

Do you have some supports for yourself at the moment? It is good you are reaching out on the forums, that is very helpful and sometimes very hard to do.

Lunar

Didn't mean to worry you @Former-Member

I was having a darker moment, but I wrote that as a reflection rather than a call for help.

I have good support and I really do race like an ambo to sort myself out. Since I cannot rely on physc drugs I have become something of an expert at steering myself away from an episode.

However I am not invincible and I deeply appreciate your concern - thank you.

Oh great comment @Mazarita

I sometimes imagine future society looking back on where we are now, incredulous at some of what we encounter now, in our search for healing and relief from pain.

Mechanistic science has a lot to answer for and we'll be having a great laugh in the future about all sorts of things!

I gain tremendous relief from studying both ancient history and mythology. For two reasons; to understand why we behave like we do and to know that we have faced our demons before. For example; our stories are littered with climate change, sometimes gradual and sometimes horrifyingly sudden. Even though climate change will decimate, it's nothing new. The ancients will tell you that humanity suffered cataclismic events in the past and that we are carrying those scars along with the Earth and this explains a great deal about our present condition.

As for psychiatry; it just so happens that I am visiting my psychiatrist today for the first time in two years and although she could not help me with drugs, she did give me tremendous help with her knowledge and perspective. Plus she is a woman and lacks the blinding ego that some specialists can have when they believe their profession is the be all and end all of treatment.

I think we are all scientists and all healers - it's in our nature to search for answers when there are none and to help others when we find relief. I am deeply concerned when my own culture claims it has the answers and tells other cultures such as the chinese (who have been practising their medicine for thousands of years) that they're are fools. It's racism painted as intellectual superiority. Either are revolting in my book.

Anyway, enough rambling - you accidently got me started 🙂 I hope your head is at peace today Mazarita.

Hi @Appleblossom

thank you so much for your repy; I am not a nurse but that is a great comment you have made about seeing both sides and having high expectations. I will take that on board.

I do try to remind myself to be pleased with how far I have come and where I am at on any particular day.

I do sometimes wonder what having a normal brain would be like but I certainly don't strive to have one, since I choose to be grateful for the one I have. I mainly just strive for enough relief to continue with pleasure and without hurting others. It's a tough call but I'm okay with it.

I also don't expect paid profesionals to have gone what I have been through but it is the case in AA. The wisdom of the elders is needed for spiritual healing.

Ps: posting on this forum has been wonderful! I am loving connecting with others and it does me good to express myself. Thank you all so much 🙂

@Mulgajane, thanks for your reply.

I am an occasional dabbler in ancient history, and history in general, including family history. My awareness of it is very piecemeal though. Mythology I am interested in too.

Good to hear your meeting with your psychiatrist was so fruitful. Great that you are finding it valuable being here on the forum.

My head is a bit more at peace now. I have been repeating the mantra 'free' in my mind, and sometimes 'now', many times during the day. It shifts my focus away from worried meanderings, to release worry and tension, and reminds me of my present surroundings. This has been helping me through my difficulties lately and today has been a pretty good one.

Hope you find pleasure in the rest of the week.