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I still remember the first time I felt it, even though it was 15 years ago.
I had just disclosed to someone for the first time that I was self harming. And when they responded with caring and concern I felt this intense physical sensation. I don't know how else to describe it. It was somewhere behind my belly button. And it felt SO good. And it was addictive. All I wanted was to feel it again. For a while just replaying the conversation in my head was enough . But it didn't last long. And that was the start. From there my behaviour escalated. I would do anything just to feel that feeling again.
I have always been scared to share this with anyone because I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that people with BPD are 'just attention seeking'
But I'd love to know that I'm not alone in this...
In response to: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
show_me_grayContributor
Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
I know exactly what you mean, mine does not manifest itself in the same way, I dont self harm like you r describing as I tend to self destroy myself....but I do things in such a way that I garner the desired response from the ones that I crave the comfort from. But thats the rub isnt it, thats all we know, thats how we taught ourselves to gain comfort....we know no other way! Through hard work, self compassion, being open minded and determination we can learn what and how to feel those emotions as well as the best way to express them. Dont worry I have not been able to learn this either, and I have been in a constant loop for 4 weeks trying to gain that very response I so desperately crave, from someone that emotionally checked out on me months and months ago. All of these things I know, what I dont know is, why I continue to do it
In response to: Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
hello @show_me_gray, @Wonderingsoul and welcome to the forum
In the search the forum, when you put BPD in there , it will show all the threads with Bpd in there
I will have a look and tag you there
@Determined
In response to: Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
show_me_grayContributor
Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
@Shaz51 thankyou and hello to u 2
In response to: Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
WhiteknightSenior Contributor
Re: Does anyone else with BPD experience this feeling
Hi @Wonderingsoul@show_me_gray
I just want to respond to you both. As a child of a BPD parnet in denial you both are tackling your illness with questions and that has to be commended. Well done an dI hope you find your answers. That's what its all about, exploring and asking.
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