HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

My husband, has just come out of hospital after treatment with TMS for his depression, there seems to be no improvement at all. he has previously had over 40 ECT treatments and did suffer with short term memory loss. he has had 3 suicide attempts in the last 8 years, he ended up in ICU for these. Also many admissions to hospital. I have control of his meds now on order of his drs, i have also been advised to take away the shed keys as he told them he had thought of using the beam that runs across.

he did really well for about 18 month prior to this admission, but then had an injury at work and was reduced to 4 hours a day until he improves which hes been told can take 12 months. Now while he was in hospital hes been told he no longer has a job. As you can imagine this did not help the situation.

I have struggled through the last 8 years as best i can but after this last admission i felt like it broke me and had to have time off work as i wasnt coping with the situation. I was then questioned about the time i was taking off by my boss, i have had to use a lot of my sick leave as carers leave.

I just dont know what to do anymore i have done courses on depression i joined a group for carers( ARAFMI), but havnt been in a while.

I fear leaving him home but know i have to, but never know what im coming home to.