AppleblossomSenior Contributor
To work or not to work: or what is "work" anyway?
Started up this thread to continue the "work" conversation.
@Mazarita
I focus on what I do do ... rather than say I do nothing. EG Part-time teacher, part-time mum, part-time student, renovator, social justice activist, whatever is true and relevant at the time. If they are anti catholics I dont say it was at St Vincent De Paul ... or I talk about secular things with atheists ...... I try to be diplomatic ..
I am the queen of shooting herself in the foot and over self revelation and still struggling ... footless.
I am learning to bounce off a word in conversation and just say something light, relevant not to self effacing, or challenging of the speaker.
I may discuss seeing a client on a day when it was in a volunteer role not a paid job .. if other person has used word "client".
I keep dialogue short and reciprocal but true to self. Eg Complaints about office work has me digging back 30 years ... or talking about new trends of working at home.
I query different values ... about what consitutes work in a general way that opens up conversation if there is anything willing in other person. Open statements rather than closed ones etc..
I am claiming the right to make my own generalisations but not to disagree too vehemently or be too defensive about my social position ... keep things mild so I dont rock too many social boats ... yet all those things still rear the heads... but there are changes ... people start confiding to me their little issues that align with my experience ... they were probably just to embarrassed to be honest and up-front ...
Last year ... I did pull the disability stigma concept out once in a social group ... when I get angry I talk about people who play "kick the cripple" ... people usually twig that they get much better vaule out of me by being respectful ... that is all I ever ask for ... I dont want to be Miss Popularity ... just dont step on my toes 3 times and not expect some response. I usually give gentle warnings too ...
That said ... I did blow up on holiday at the alps ... I had had 2 neck events and I probably did overreact ... but then I am giving myself consideration as I was trying avoid a 3rd neck event in a month. They are pretty painful and render me far less capableit was in the context of lots of operatic passionate expression ... and about personal space ..
I am socialising with more and more with a very wide range of people ... one lovely retired female doctor I met at the recorder was talking about interpersonal issues ... I heard .. "Patronise me at your peril" and asked if I could borrow her phrase. We all laughed together ... I claim grumpy old woman status and try and make it a joke ... but also delineate the issues. I am learning not to take things too personally unless it is really necessary and obvious.
I am less confessional... but only a little ...lol
When I received job application advice from a lady in my disability network I struggled really hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness of what they were "teaching" me ..I did that stuff 30 years ago ... she was ok and got it ... and became embarrassed explaining she had to say these things by law ... but my early job history .. said it all ... I havent sent out many applications in last 15 years ... I couldnt cope with roller coaster rejections or getting the jobs that were unsuitable but trying anyway ...or done my resume properly ... if I had I suspect things could have gotten a lot uglier regarding my son ... because I would have been pushing harder, in more pain, and therefore not so patient or understanding.
I actually have had a problem realising that I am disabled ... my grandfather used to do renovating half crippled .. so did I ... there is plenty of work ethic in our family. The last teacher at a high school said my son worked like a Trojan ... when he worked ... I am not into Sisyphus ... I prefer to reality check ... and if I am rolling rocks around ... I like to at least get a decent rockery out of it.
Sorry ... for the spiel @Mazarita.. does that make sense in the context of @Debstar and the recent Ostara thread?
