To work or not to work: or what is "work" anyway?

Thanks @PeppiPatty, Centrelink has all our medical updates, letters ,and on tuesday i will get another update to send in

Hi @Mazarita

I was very tongue tied for the first 30-35 years of life. I could speak appropriately in all study and jobs' roles but not socially and certainly not to anybody where I felt threatened. I had lived alone a fair bit during that time in bedsits etc and can remember about half a dozen "social" chats during the whole time I was at uni. That is why I find it interesting that I have started a "pseudo career in singing now ... vocalising wasnt my strong point at all.

Having children jolted me out of some of my fear ...as often I had to "say it and feel the fear" and deal with consequences ... whether it was communicating important information to a teacher, social worker, lawyer, or sticking up for them or dealing with internal discipline problems. I found that I had to speak.

Therapies helped and one family therapist made the point that I just was afraid of socialising but very capable in all other areas .. including ensuring girls had good socialisation. Eventually I could take it up as something to work on.

On topic of work ... that is work. Once when I was in psychodrama training a couple of highly qualified people said I worked very hard at emotional issues .. and I thank and remember those kinds of moments when I feel low.

I am less naive now and have witnessed a lot of cover ups and issues that were not above board regarding those in private employment and govt ... my psychologist reminded me that I had worked in 3 govt departments and that I had a balanced views. These have all helped me develop my non standard manner of getting along with self respect in a world that adores the dollar and finds it hard to develop compassion.

So now I see that as a bit of my job ... while I collect the disability pension. I got it first time round .. a female GP suggested and put it through with evidence from my osteopath and job capacity tests etc. At the time I was struggling to try and build a big teaching studio ... when I am terrified of performing solo (due to rejection not performance issues) and only do it under duty bound circumstances, cos of neck. I found it hard to be a jokey relaxed leader. Now I have a lot less pressure. I discussed whether I should go back into admin which I was allright about .. but I think the lady at the desk assessing things knew I could do her job at the drop of hat ... if given minimal support for my disabilities ... anyway it has evolved organically the way that it has.

How much money does a person actually need? Financially we are comfortable relative to what I have known, though many would not be able to cope on a disability pension at all.

I am not bored and have always been able to manage that aspect of my life and my children's lives.

Yesterday, I walked for an hour, was on train for 2 hours, Spent the morning doing opera rehearsal and the afternoon doing an oratorio rehearsal. It was bloody hard work and very fulfilling. Had an hour in a hospital cafeteria chatting with new and old friends. Son did it too for the first time and can see lots of positive things on his horizon .. so its all good. I am actually a workaholic.

Today is a bit more relaxed. The council is finally doing some necessary work in my garden court ... the bit that is their land, and requested them do. So the boys with toys were out in full force .. I get along with council just fine .. whereas other people have to whinge and whinge .. I am less patient now and want to start charging those whingers for filling up more my poor ears with non-music. it is usually people who have not worked in govt who want to whinge about paying appropriate bills and just hang it on some one .. and they tend to have plenty of assets. As an ex tax officer I know how that type try and minimise tax. I have more patience for genuine issues. No guilt for my pension, am getting antsy about it and so finding suitable verbal responses on the tip of my tongue, when needed, enough of the time.

Will my one student for today show up? Sometimes they forget beginning of term .. I am not strict, but I do care .. we will see.

cheers

Hi @Appleblossom,

Good to read about your journey with employment of all kinds and the way you have come to accept that a pension is something that enables you to continue to live a contributory life even though the structured workforce is no longer a part of that. I too have been something of a 'high flyer' in the context of most of the jobs I've had. Unfortunately this has only been short lived due to the mental and physical health crises that have shortly followed such promising beginnings. As I said in the other thread last week, this has happened about 50 times over in my life and has wreaked personal havoc.

My current status is that I didn't make it in to my first day of volunteering because of a migraine this morning. I rang the manager, explained the situation, told her I would come in anyway if they needed me. She was understanding, being a migraine sufferer herself, and told me to start next week instead. It was a stressful situation inside myself because it brought up some of the trauma of having so many health crashes out of employment in the past. I'm taking solace that it went well on the phone anyway and I still have the job to go to next week. I've since had some pain relief and a number of hours sleep and feel much better, if groggy from the after effects.

Thanks again for sharing some more of your story and for listening to where I'm at just now too.

I still have to put in a tax return every year as I have a "private business", but they cancelled my ABN.

I am used to structure for myself or developing it for kids.

Glad you had a sympathetic manager at op shop. @Mazarita Hope it continues.

Long term viability is probably more important than a first good impression.

That is a huge part of compassion. If a person has experienced something it is easier for them to show understanding. If they have not .. more difficult.

If one has unusual experiences it is easy to get marginalised.

It is always lovely to hear from you Maz.

Thanks @Appleblossom, always good to hear from you too.

Long term viability is important and is why I'm starting with just half a day a week. At this stage, not having worked in a structured way for so long, even that seems a bit daunting. But I know that I just need to be able to get a bit of routine going with it and hopefully some rapport with the other staff and things are likely to be okay. I am both excited and nervous and feeling silly about making such a big deal out of such a small matter. But there it is for now at least. Will keep you posted.

interesting.....

@Mazarita are you looking forward for next week?

@Appleblossom how did your son get into singing?

Good morning, @PeppiPatty. Yes, I am looking forward to next week.

Once at church I heard him sing a hymn at about 10 yrs and I thought he had a nice voice, but he didnt go to church often and never sang at home. I paid for a term of vocal lessons at a high school, and drum and guitar. He didnt believe her instructions about breathing and I had explain stuff and support her ... he only spent 9 days for the year at that school ...

He left home at 16 for 3 months with his dad. Then he phoned me and moved back from his dad's to do music, I suggested that he join a choir as it would give him some experience in group music. I thought it necessary as we were isolated enough and if he was just doing p iano at home with me. He agreed.

I have had to becreative to find non standard non educational institution settings as he totally rejected them.

He sang in social justice non-religious choir ... eg. Theodrakis and Victor Jara.

He expressed much more interest in classical style, then surprised me by doing heaps of research and ended up telling me he was a Heldentenor ... I didnt even know what that was ... he isnt a mummy's boy singing in lots of musicals ... he liked the idea of heldentenor which I found out means ... heroic tenor ... long story short ... he sang a little Dvorak and Wagner and loved it. I had though he might be more of a ballad singer ... but he went straight for full bore classical and he was right about his voice type ... and I have leaned a lot about male voices through him ... in some ways I was even embarrassed but he persisted and drove it and paid for a couple years of private classical singing lessons ... I was putting limits on me paying for more private music lessons without practise at home ... but now I am proud of him and the way he has handled it. His choice and he has earned my respect.

A couple of ladies he met on Sunday were also in that earlier social justice non-religious choir. He also sang for a year with me in my church choir and loved the music but rejected the liturgical setting. I didnt mind so long as he found something he wanted to do.. just exposed him to this and that, including folk music camps where he sang Smells Like Teen Spirit before he decided he preferred classical. His piano was developing in that stage. The other young singers he is singing with now, have had standard schooling and did music at school and uni.

Thanks for showing interest @PeppiPatty

I've been going to church lately and Ive been too scared to tell anyone because Im scared @Terry will send me 600 long emails about God. Sorry @Terry :0)

This sentence is hilarious....

I have had to be creative to find non standard non educational institution settings as he totally rejected them.

Like the story very much. I guess I have to look up some words......oh golly......Ille start and then educate everyone else what they mean.

What was his first day at Uni like..actually, are they going yet?

@Appleblossom, my friend who I visited explained to me how I work around both my parents. She said I had set up this complex relationship with them both to keep them both calm and settled with me. I can't remember her exact terms, yes, I've lost the notes I took...

She said that it shows my very high intelligence ( she said that to keep me happy??) but my life would have just been about trying to work out how to keep them both happy.

When she said it....I got all these tingles ...........Im still in a little daze about it. With all my .......STUDY ( yeah right) it felt I knew nothing.

So, Im still trying to difest it.

She told me to just limit contact. Only have limited meetings with my Mum and tell her Nothing about my life. Because like this long old friend of ours, she is in it to destroy me.

She also said that when people complain or criticize their children...why dont people stand up for them. I said.hey, I do!! I say, I think you might be wrong, I dont experience them like that !!

She said, yes, but not for you. Everyone seems to be scared of your Mum and Dad which she finds awful.she said something else but I forgot.

So Im still tyring to digest it.

Hi Bella @PeppiPatty

We all gotta do what we all gotta do.

Churches can be great ... but usually as we age ... did you see the series or read the book Sarum about the building of Salisbury cathedral?

Church has often been work for me .. made terrific money with youth group as organist for weddings ... havent gone back to that ... just did weddings with my mother over the last 30 years.

My son was a Dawkins fan at an early age ... so I told him God must have accepted him otherwise the steeple at our church would have cracked with him singing in it ... he knew I was joking.