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This may be triggering

Unknown userMember04 July 2018, 3:47 pm AEST

This may be triggering

So feeling really stupid right now and small but pretty much tried opening up to a family member about my si thoughts and stuff any way they completely dismissed it saying I'm just looking for attention because you apparently can't be si and afraid of death this statement is only half true I am not afraid of dying im afraid of it being painful hence the plan I had been ready to carry out did not involve pain and now said family member has told rest of family and now I'm just trying to create drama or making up stuff to try and compete with others situations. I told the one person I'm closest to in my family and thought I could trust now i feel really alone I still have my partner and son and 3 amazing friends but if I can't trust the family I grew up with how do I trust anybody else. I feel like I'm burdening those who care and lost faith in those that are suppose to

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In response to: This may be triggering

AndraContributor07 July 2018, 11:55 am AEST

Re: This may be triggering

@Former-Member I think Wednesday must have been a black day. I could not manage the multiple things that all happened leading to unbearable distress. Today I emerged out of my dark hole and saw your message. How are you today? It is such a crushing feeling to put yourself out there and be treated uncaringly. My son's are my strength too. Over the years of having on the one hand, loving children who saw me at my worst and loved and needed me, and on the other hand, a birth family who seemed to despise me even at my best, something shifted. I somehow was able to feel hurt without being devastated and disempowered when my "family" behaved badly. Years on, I feel sad they have missed the wonderful real connection I have with my kids and family of choice. Yesterday, a niece I had "lost" through distancing myself, came and visited. She came to see ME. And now a new relationship can begin. Thank you for sharing your feelings of distress. They are real. Your son will grow up knowing that actions have consequences and feeling pain is what happens when really upsetting things happen. My last son turned 18 so imI working on surviving for me instead of my children. Not sure how good I am at that yet, but thank you for reminding me things can change and I have more strength and wisdom than sometimes I realise. I'm sure you do too. I wish you well. Andra.

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