I am a new carer for my mum and would love some advice.

Hello everyone,

I am 32 and full-time carer (- 6 months) for mum (diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy and heart failure). 3 years ago she made the move from QLD to NSW to live with me as she was finding financial life on her own very difficult (I had left home at 15 due to her issues in being quite nasty to me growing up). But I arranged for her to move in and take it easy for a while.

We lived in a unit block, I worked full time but always came home to reports of the neighbors causing problems (the same cars zooming past to annoy her, people screaming out their windows at her or following her on the bus or at the shops etc) I put these problems to the side and assured her that they were not happening as they were lovely neighbors on both sides. New rules were enforced by her no kettle boiling after a certain time at night as it annoyed neighbors, lights having to be left on in rooms not occupied so neighbors would think she was in that room and refusing to go out much as she could hear people laughing at her.

After much persuasion I convinced her to see her doctor and see a psychologist. These were arranged and we attended for a month before she decided that the psychologist was too intrusive and it was stupid for her to go as he put her down often, called her names like 'sweetheart and darling'. I begged her to continue but she refused even suggested a different psychologist.

Working full time and returning home to this behavior everyday was extremely stressful so we moved half hour away to a single house but alas the same situation arrived with our new neighbours in her mind, but her behavior was much more amped. We lived in a bigger traffic area. No amount of denying the fact or neighbor harassment would help. I, was the crazy one to her. I was stupid etc as these events would only EVER happen when I was at work. Or if I was home I was too stupid to hear. Of course, I started going out less, working fewer hours but her behavior got worse. And she started drinking more alcohol. She screamed racist abuse often at the neighbours, when she has never been a racist person. She also calls me a drug addict and prostitute which I certainly am not. I later found out she called the police several times on the neighbors, who informed her cars driving past are not a crime. I was very embarrassed at her behavior and avoided the new neighbours like the plague. She often lied about simple events, and I can honestly say she believed she hadn't done or said things she had.

Fast forward a year or two of me putting to the side her behavior which would cause massive fights on her part about how stupid and dumb I was, and how I was lying about the events occurring. I introduced the fact again that I believed something was wrong with her mental state and was met with total aggression and denial. She refused to see a dr or psychologist. I felt guilty going to work as she would bawl her eyes out before I left, or have some major neighbor drama if I went out for coffee or saw friends etc.

She had a heart attack last year which I felt very guilty for and I took a lot of time off work which resulted in the loss of my job. I then became her full-time carer after waiting 6 months for approval of Centrelink.

So my question is, what steps do I take in aiding her in getting help. I am totally at the end of my wits and am writing this after a massive blowout on her part. We have just moved again (4x in the space of 5 years and I am in financial ruins) and same issues here (neighbours talking about her, she believes the new neighhbour next door is a pervert and watches me, we live in darkness all day as all curtains must be closed as neighbours watch her with binoculars streets away, yet all doors wide open at night even during winter just very odd behaviour that if you rectify or try close a door she will stay in her room for 3 days crying and abusing you and we are fighting atm because I greeted the neighbours as I was watering the plants and returned inside to a barrage of abuse. 'Lets go over there if you dont believe me and ask them if they talk about me' I refused to go over as I said we would look quite strange. She often lies even to her doctor about taking her heart and blood pressure medication which she has not taken since the heart attack. She lies about falling down stairs. No bruises marks etc.

So open to advice please on how to approach this situation, I do understand it might be dementia, schizophrenia etc so how to get her help with her refusal for help?? I am crazy not her and she even makes me doubt it. So any tips to deal with it? I have always used the definite no approach to her beliefs and wonder if I might be wrong. This is having a huge impact on my life and I am really at wit's end. It's hard to feel like the bad guy all the time and I would appreciate your help.