Conversation for anyone suffering from Herpes Simplex and what impact it has on your mental health?

@MiaK

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. I don't suffer from Herpes but it sounds like it is causing you some problems. Is there anything your doctor can do to help prevent flare ups? A good supportive GP is the best thing to have if you can find a good one!

Hope you feel better soon

Hi @MiaK,

Thanks for opening about this. These things can be hard to talk about, but its really important that we do.

I can understand struggling more with the mental side of the illness than the physical side. I wonder if other members who might suffer from physcial illnesses, even if not herpes specifically, might have some valuable support adn advice for you?

Hi @MiaK,

First off, I want you to know that you are not alone. I was diagnosed in May and the last few months have been some of the most difficult. I feel almost exactly the same as your description. It's tough. It's not something that I can open up to my friends about easily when I'm experiencing an outbreak, and even when I do, I truly do not think that someone without HSV can actually understand the weight of the issue. I've been scared to learn that for some women, simple pleasures in life like a good wax, sex, and sunlight can all be triggers for an outbreak. I've been too scared to test any of those theories...

However, this forum gives me hope. I have yet to have a conversation with someone who also has HSV. My parents and close friends' love can only go so far, but I've been afraid to reach out to anyone, afraid of what answers I'll find, or don't find.

I've felt hopeless many hours of most all days since May, but I've also seen glimmers of hope. It's insane to think something that no one else can see, that is truly in its simplest form just a skin condition, can have such a heavy affect on our minds and self-esteem. I'm struggling every day, but I also kinda think that when I find a guy who accepts it, I won't find this as unbearable as I do now. I think right now I'm feeling a little loveless and unworthy, but that comes and goes in waves. How have you been feeling since June? Mentally/physically?

I think my point in this rant is that we. will. be. ok. And that it's ok to ugly cry in your car at 2 AM blasting weird emotional folk music and downing Wawa mac n cheese because you're just f*cking sad for yourself. THAT IS OK. If you ever need support, ask for it, and never isolate yourself. You are worth it.

Sincerely....Elle

Elle, reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I could relate to so much of what you said. Although I have been able to reach out to my mum and a very small handful of friends. Every person I have reached out to has been nothing but supportive. Only one of them understands as they too opened up about having it. It helps a lot to have people to talk too and I'm slowly trying to open up to more. I feel as though the more I normalize it the more accepting I will be of it. I feel keeping it a secret is only reinforcing the feelings of shame and I know I need to break through these limiting beliefs

I got diagnosed June this year and have had multiple outbreaks since. It's been rough, when I have outbreaks I just want to isolate, I'm depressed, and I get stuck in a negative thinking and catastrophize the situation...Its so uncomfortable and painful that i just want to lay in bed all day. I try to practice gratitude and acceptance as that's all i know i can do. Those feelings of loveless and unworthiness come in waves for me also.

I've just met a guy that I like and I'm struggling with fear. Fear of acceptance for when I have to tell him. Sex triggers my herpes which is what makes having a sexual relationship hard. I cant help but think what guy will want to date me when i cant have regular sex. I think what i struggle with most is that I feel powerless and have no control. I take the meds daily and that still doesnt seem to reduce the outbreaks. I have a healthy diet, exercise regulary and have a low-stress lifestyle. I dont know what else I can do.

Hi,

I feel your pain. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with HSV2 and have just been rejected from a guy I really liked because he didn’t want to catch it.

I’m sad it didn’t work out but I’m trying not to take it personally. I just worry is there anyone out there that is mentally stimulating for me and who also accepts the fact I might give them herpes. I think the social stigma is the worst and sticking together to share success stories will help.

Here’s to hope. Xx

It's been good for me to read this thread. I'm a 33yo male with hsv2. I used to enjoy getting out, meeting new women. But now i don't even bother trying. The thought of having that libido-killing conversation is awful. I don't know what to do, my confidence is shattered.

Hi there,

I have lived with HSV-2 for 20 years now. I contracted it from my very first sexual partner, I was 20 and trusted him. I should have been smarter, but this is not about blaming anyone, I live with it, but it has been like keeping a huge secret all these years. The stigma associated with this is awful. Only a few close friends know and it's not really something I discuss with them. It has prevented me from loving myself truly and putting myself out there to be loved back. I want to have a relationship, but struggle, thinking no one will accept me knowing I have herpes. Be great to talk to others and me just connect openly without fear of rejection.

Hi there,

I've been single and celibate for about 9 years. I have occasionally gone on dating sites but only looked, never contacted anyone. I would be really interested to know how others have raised having herpes with a possible love interest.
I know that there are dating sites for people with herpes but even putting myself out there is so scary.
I live in a small town and the thought of people knowing that I have herpes is enough to stop me dating.
I'd me interested in other peoples experiences.

Your sharings have brought tears to my eyes as well. Thank you for opening up.. I am newly diagnosed hsv2.. as in 5 days ago... it has turned my world upside down. I warned a sexual friend only to have them block me and walk away. I don't trust friends enough to share it and definitely can't tell my family. Reading your experiences of pain, isolation and rejection break my heart. The stigma and social isolation is heavier than anything I have had to carry before. It makes me want to stand up and break this stigma. A diagnosis does not equate to promiscuity or uncleanliness.. and yet here we are anonymous sufferers sharing the burden of this unbearable pain. I already felt unlovable, unworthy and not enough. I was single for 7 years prior to this. I can't imagine what the future will hold. Except that somewhere in the back of my mind there is a recognition that this is a great way to sieve the frivolous men with shallow sexual intentions from my life. To scare them off like a wicked witch on halloween. It will help me focus my energy on my goals and keep me on the straight and narrow. The more we can talk about it the more the stigma is reduced. I've had cold sores all my life but never felt this shamed. Its crazy. As a newly diagnosed patient with a passion for health I want to get to a place where I can talk about this openly. To normalise it and help other people struggling with the effects of diagnosis. To listen to music blaring at 2am when my emotions are uncontrollable and my pain inconsolable. To connect with you all in this dark and lonely place. Because none of us deserve to suffer alone. There is strength in community and I hope I can connect with you here. The world is a cruel and lonely place and so much misinformation that feeds the stigma surrounding our diagnosis. Its nice to know I'm not completely alone. Thank you for sharing your experience.. xxxx