I think I'm confused

Can I say I'm confused if I am not sure what is happening for me?

I've just realised I've been sick so long I don't even know what normal is anymore.

My life is just a shipping around in mental and physical health services, hospitalisations, medications and therapy with consultations with psychiatrists thrown in for good measure. People by large avoid me and although I really hate them doing so, I guess I have nothing in common with them. I live in my own world quite detached from others.

I'm not even sure what I am trying to say here. I am so awkward and inward and backward. Today a neighbour gave me a lecture saying how I should learn to like myself. I think she is mistaking my issues for poor self-esteem. Yes, I have that but I believe that is secondary to my issues. For example, would I receive the same lecture if she knew I was also a voice hearer and delusionary thinker? I feel pigeonholed but that is okay because in some ways I do that myself to myself.

I am currently reading the memoir of a psychiatric patient's son and it has really opened my eyes to the "sick thinking and actions". I must indeed be sick and this is why my family and friends avoid me. I have no business belonging in their world or even staking a claim in it.

When I was in hospital last time, a fellow psychotic called herself sick and the same condition I have as a sickness. I thought I had moved away from those idioms myself, but here I am.

On the verge of giving up.