WhiteknightSenior Contributor
Your carers well being
Depression, in bed all day. Sure, its justified, you are temporarily "out of order". Your partner, if in employment arrives home to continue working by cooking and doing chores. It really isnt fair on them especially if we "dump" on them our regular need to disect the past...to make sense of our mental present.
But I suggest that your mentally normal partner has his/her limits and before long cracks will form from over work and nursing their loved one- you.
I have an old friend that regularly falls into deep depressive cycles. Living on the city fringe his partner drives to the railway station then a train to the CBD then a walk to work, 5 times a week. He visited me last week. His partner had broken down after her car was broken into at the train station.
We chatted about his input in his relationship and when asked what he does when she arrives home his answer shocked me..."I'm depressed, I stay in bed".
Further questioning found the following- he visited the bathroom around 3 times, spoke to friends on the phone, went on facebook and had lunch as he watched Dr Phil at noon. While we talked, it was a Saturday and his wife was supermarket shopping alone.
The question begged- why couldnt he get out of bed when his wife entered the house after her working day and present her with a coffee and some support?
What is she doing for him when he is depressed? She provides the sole income, she does all the chores, talks endlessly with him about his childhood, doesnt have any entertainment, spends her time off doing the shopping and puts his health above hers.
So thankfully he dug deep and with a good attitude he put in place some strategies I suggested. He now rises one hour prior to her arrival to prepare dinner and makes a cuppa as she walks in the door. He even ran a spa on a rainy freezing day complete with two candles. It took a lot of mental effort, then he fell in bed again but not before he told her he is trying to provide gratitude for her caring for him.
On some occasions we take for granted our carers efforts. If we can rise from bed to attend to essentials then we can greet our partner at the end of their working day...which is just as essential.
Our partners need us in different ways that we rely on them.
appreciate the understanding and hope you continue to discuss this valuable topic. 
