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How do I keep going?

Anon4747Casual Contributor24 June 2018, 8:37 pm AEST

How do I keep going?

Hi all,

I am new to forums but feel I needed to reach out somewhere for advice, support and understanding. All my life my mum has suffered with OCD, depression, Bi polar and more I am sure. Growing up was damn hard but my brother and I survived, dad had enough when I was 12 and left, left us with her that is how we saw it anyways. I was out of home by 15 and for the first time in many years I felt like I could breath again.

Fast forward many years and Mum remained never really improved despite medications, psychology support etc. I remained close to mum and tried to support her but relished being able to walk away to the safety net of my own home when needed. You see mum gets nasty & malicious when she is down, I am not sure if that is normal as such for her illness. I married and had to beautiful boys, mum relished her role as a nanna but it was often marred by down days, jealousy of others spent time with her grandkids (even my dad) I persisted and hoped one day it would all change. Fast forward to 12 months ago..... mum was a little stable, lived alone in a trust home still had deep dark nasty days but it only penetrated my armour when I allowed it. STUPIDLY I had a thought for mum to move in with my family, I hated to see her lonely, she has no friends, no interests nothing and I stupidly thought I could "fix" her 😢 I thought letting her into our busy happy lives would give her something, a sense of purpose some happiness SOMETHING!

Well I was wrong, I was an idiot! The last 12 months I feel like I am a 7 year old little girl again watching her mother be vile and nasty, abuse those she love and then apologise and declare her love for the cycle to start all over again in a few days.

The last 12 months apparently I do not clean the home well enough (I do something I at 41 feel now very defensive over)

I am constantly bombarded with what I can only describe as 2 year old tantrums 😐

I can not invite friends to our home because she finds a reason to not like them.

I could go on for hours....... I know she is unwell, I pity the miserable world she lives in, I feel so guilty for bringing her in to our home. I love her but dislike her which confuses me greatly. Because I invited her into our home and she gave up her trust home I couldn't ask her to leave she has no where to go. She is so emotionally immature and I don't understand how she sees and interprets the world. I have to constantly reassure her that people are not talking about her or that she has misinterpreted a persons comment.

So sorry for my ramnle but each day I feel a little bit more of myself breaking and I don't know how to fix it

Thank you for reading my ramblings.

5 replies

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In response to: How do I keep going?

Unknown userMember25 June 2018, 11:44 am AEST

Re: How do I keep going?

Hi @Anon4747,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience here. Definitely doesnt sound like rambles to me! Sounds like the story of a brave individual who deserves support to navigate a life long carers role.

There is a discussion threads written by someone who is caring for thier mother here, if you'd like to check it out.

Other members have advice and support for @Anon4747?

In response to: How do I keep going?

Shaz51Senior Contributor25 June 2018, 7:41 pm AEST

Re: How do I keep going?

Hello @Anon4747

and welcome to the forum

there are a few of us looking after our mums like @Bella1978, @Lesley, @Susana

In response to: Re: How do I keep going?

Unknown userMember25 June 2018, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: How do I keep going?

@Beautifulday here are some others caring for parent/s.

In response to: How do I keep going?

Anon4747Casual Contributor21 July 2018, 10:06 am AEST

Re: How do I keep going?

Thank you all for the welcome, I have had some log in issues which are now fixed. I am new to forums so be patient with me lol.
My mum was recently prescribed a new drug to add to the list, it worked amazingly and she admitted herself she felt the best she had in 20 years! The doctor decided that after 2 weeks for her to wean off of it 😡 when will these doctors understand?! Whithin days she was back to being agitated and negative. The constant critisism returned, I went along to her doctor and asked for her to go back on that tablet, he has agreed but I am left to wait out the return of my happy mum and I am left feelng horrible at the things she has said during the time she was off it. How do we not take it personal? How do we just pick ourselves back up when they are up?

In response to: Re: How do I keep going?

outlanderSenior Contributor27 July 2018, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: How do I keep going?

hi @Anon4747

dealing with difficult situations can really take their toll thats for sure. im hearing your frustration in regards to medications, im on medications myself for mental health issues and they can take a while to kick in.

I was talking to @Former-Member tonight about something similar. i remember her saying she used humour to deflect the hurtful things said. one thing i try to do is remind myself that it wouldnt be very easy for them to loose their independence as well. their words however still hurt esp because its coming from someone we love.

Im wondering if you have supports at all? Carer Australia might be able to help with some supports in your local area as well as chances to meetup and do some actitivites with other carers.
Another thing i try to do is find some peace amongst the chaos and for me that is doing art, is there something you find helpful to settle things and just have that chance for breathing time?

How have things been since your last posting?

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