I am new.. i have a story... my story

@sarahbelle Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm no expert, but I think all those thoughts are associated with depression. I too sometimes know I'm a good compassionate person, until the internal critic steals every possibility it might be true. I don't know how talking helps, it just does.

Have you already lost. I don't think so, but I know that's not helpful. It's a struggle, sometimes worse than others. There are so many of us here on the forum and elsewhere experiencing the same. All I can say in all honesty is. You are not alone.

Hello @sarahbelle, welcome to the forum! It's always nice to see new members join. I hope you can find this space to be supportive, there are many amazing people here.

Thank you for sharing that with us, I'm really sorry to hear life can feel so tough, dark, isolating and unknown. It surely can be a hard road to try and stay on when there are so many obstacles coming ones way. I'm really glad you have found the fourms and hope that they can be some help for you.

A few useful tips is to use the @ symbol beofre typing members names. This should then highlight the members name for you to click on and makes sure they are then sent a notifictaion that they are being spoken with. Also checking out the community guidelines here when you get a chance can be helpful to get an understanding of them. There are a number of threads, the search icon can be helpful to search for a particular topic and popping into the Introduce yourself here

is agreat way to say hi to the community 🙂

Take care of yourself @sarahbelle

Hi @sarahbelle and welcome!

I am also rather new here and I can tell u now that just making this step on here and expressing how u are feeling will help u, even if it’s only a little! I felt very lost and confused before reaching out here as it’s good to know and relate to people who go through life in a similar effect to how you do.

Like many others on here I too have times where I have the same feeling like u experience and it’s hard to overcome, even with a room full of people I can find that I still feel alone, it’s horrible. What I have been finding this last week or two is I have been writing down my thoughts and feeling when I get that way, it seems to help also. I have also been writing down a list of things that I want to do each day and making sure I tick them off as I go, that way I can see I’m aaccomplishing something. I know it may sound like little things but it does work for me and it’s always a good feeling to know your in some control of life.

I hope this helps u in some way, and I’m more than happy to chat more if need be 😊

as @Maggie said, u are not alone!

Mel

@melq83@sarahbelle There's a thread that is doing what you mentioned in your post @melq83. Achieving small things. I'll tag you both there so you can have a look and see if it's helpful.

@sarahbelle

Firstly,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so incredibly low. When it feels like despite our best efforts we cannot escape the darkness of abuse, depression and anxiety it is not suprising that you are having thoughts about death and asking "would anyone care if I was not around?"

Although we can never have the same experience, almost all of what you have written was literally as though it was coming out of my mouth for many years, months and even weeks.

Our intrusive thoughts and or memories can play on loop to the point that it feels like it is never going to stop.

Until very recently, I lay in bed every night with those very thoughts that you mentioned. I 100% believed that if I left this earth nobody would care all that much.

I felt compelled to write to you just to let you know that you may feel alone but eventually somehow you will find a way out.

You mentioned counselling not really fixing anything. I wanted to mention that sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed that it is not the right time for counselling. For some it could be first opening up to someone first (if you have someone to confide in) for others it might be medication and then counselling or it could just be you have not yet found the right counsellor for you.

All of what I have written above is just some things to think about if you haven't already. I am not at all suggesting any of the above as only you know what is best for you.

I guess the point I was trying to make was that as difficult as things feel, suicide is a long term solution that you cannot reverse. Such tough emotions to be dealing with 😞

I really hope that things start to feel a little better for you.

Lots of free online and ph services for short term support if you feel like you need it right away.

@sarahbelle. I felt compelled to write after reading your post. As I related to everything you said.

I've had a number of depressive episodes, and am only just starting to come out of a 15 month long episode.

During this time I had a number of hospital stays and fortnightly 'talk therapy' with my psychologist. These have me breathing space and kept me from dying. But didn't stop the Depression.

A recent increase in my anti depressants has made a huge difference, and I'm just starting to do some activities that I used to enjoy.

I've learnt how to tell my negative self talk to ' p*** it'd & am starting to do daily breathing focused meditation, to help me focus on the hear and now.

From my experience, I couldn't do relaxation or meditation or regular activities when fully in the Depression episode. It was only once I started to feel a,little level after the meditation increase, that I've been able to 'hear' & then practice techniques that help me.

I'm wondering if you need a review with your psychiatrist about an increase or change in your medication.

This is what's been helping me. Hoping it might help you.

Don't give up trying to find what will help you control your depression.

How are you going Sarah? @sarahbelle

Hi and welcome to @Zenbamboo

@sarahbelle

@Theuniquehero

It's great to see loving, caring support here particularly from the new members.

I am in the midst of major depression plus 2 other mental health diagnoses and its been a heck of a ride so far. I've attempted suicide multiple times and I often wonder where and when does all this end. And how do I get through it?

It's one very small step at a time, one hour, one minute if necessary. It's using every resource for support that I can, which this forum is a very significant part of that support network. It's holding on, riding through the suicidal urges when every fibre of my being says not to, and my thoughts are silent screams that no one but me hears.

Change is possible, slow even, but it happens. It's riding the roller-coaster of ok, and not ok days..

Don't become another statistic @sarahbelle

because your pain is transferred to others forever. No one but you will ever understand the reasons for taking your life but you.

Staying strong is really hard. But when you can no longer stay strong, look to others to carry you through.