Anxiety and difficulties with change causing problems in my relationship

Hi @LJ13 Welcome to the forums.

I'm not sure I have much advice to offer, but I have bipolar 1 and though I didn't know it was a bp trait this does not surprise me! I also struggle with changes of plan and understand where you're coming from. It is hard to manage the anxiety.

I have often fallen into the trap of reacting in these situations and it usually doesn't help. You may be better on that score. I'm learning to wait until I'm calmer to discuss it.

A previous partner saw me as very inflexible and there is some truth to that, but it was very disheartening that he made no effort to meet me halfway. I have worked on flexibility with my psychologist and found mindfulness helpful with this. It didn't solve the problem entirely, but it did help with the anxiety once I was more aware of what was going on, and accepting of the difficult emotions I experience.

I don't see you as controlling. It's reasonable to ask for more consideration. All the best.

Hi @LJ13

I have to say that after reading your post a few red flags stood out for me. It's true that at times plans change and we can get abit carried away and be away longer than first estimated - but if your partner is doing this "a lot" knowing fully how this effects you and continues to do what he likes anyway - it sounds like he is putting his needs first and is not fully committed to the relationship. I am sure your partner has many endearing qualities as a person - but when it comes to serious commitment it requires more - self sacrifice and commitment on each person behalf to seek the welfare of the other equally to our own. That's the test - anyone can be kind and patient if all is going their way.

I suppose it comes down to what you really want and need out of this relationship that's reasonable - and all you stated in your post is totally reasonable. Nothing to do with bi-polar or not being able to accept change according to what you posted - quite normal needs that we all have. You seem to automatically blame yourself and/or your illness. What if it is he who is unable or unwillingly to change his ways? Is he able to offer the commitment to make this relationship work? It sounds like you are willing. So what really are the problems here? Perhaps address it from this angle as well..

This is always the tough part in relationships where one seems to give more than the other. It can be worked out if both are willing to do what it takes to make that happen - and it has to be two sided for success. Hoping all can be worked out.