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Can I cope being a carer?

Can I cope being a carer?

Even for just a day, I want everything to stop. I am so worn out and feel 'stuck' atm, and questioning whether I can mentally cope being my mum's carer. And it scares me to think that maybe I can't, maybe it is all too much for me. But what does that mean for mum?

For about 2 months mum has been in and out of hospital - she is currently in a mental health facility - this is the longest she has been away from home. I feel horrible saying it, but I have enjoyed being on my own and not having to worry about her. I worry about when she comes back home. She has both mental and physical illness.

I try to see her everyday, or at least every second day. Some days are good and other days are so draining - I walk out of there and just sit in my car and cry. I miss my old mum, and am struggling accepting what is happenning to her. When she is having a good day there is light at the end of the tunnel however, when she goes backwards I go downhill - she isn't the mum I remember. I am so trying to keep it together. I battle depression and anxiety myself, and also have rheumatoid arthritis.

We have always worked so well as a team but of late I have been concerned - she has become demanding and doesn't want to listen to what I have to say. It's her way or the highway. She said that when she comes home things will be different and if I don't like it I don't have to stay here and be her carer. Deep down, I don't think she means it though. Things have just turned upside down for me (and my mum of course) in the past 2 months.

I have a sister who plays no part in caring for my mum. She is a big trigger for my mum - mum wants nothing to do with her as she has hurt my mum many times over the years. I have limited my interactions with her to solely texting as I was getting too upset when talking to her on the phone. Cutting back on contact has helped, but I do resent her greatly - when she needed help (be it financial, emotional, physical) we were there for her. She knows I'm struggling but when it comes to my sister, it is all about her.

I am also trying to be there for my best friend - her husband recently threw her out. She is living with her parents fortunately, but he has the 3 kids. She also has disassociative identity disorder and is really struggling. I am blessed to have her in my life - our friendship is recipricol and we have been each other's shoulder to cry on.

I don't know what to do, but I don't know if I can continue being a carer, continue putting my life on hold. What about my life?

I just want things to stop. It's getting too much and I don't want to continue doing this. I am just so drained.

If you took the time to read this, thank you. I just needed to get it out of my head.

56 replies

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In response to: Can I cope being a carer?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@outlander @utopia @Shaz51

Hey everyone, I am so sorry I have been MIA for a quite some time. Things have been hectic, not just with my mum but also my sister.

Mum fortunately is slowly on the mend - she is still in hospital but there is talk of her being discharged soon. I need to have another meeting with the doctors but from what I understand it isn't dementia - her psychosis was resurfacing. I'm relieved the docs didn't just diagnose her with dementia as she was displaying symptoms of it but she wasn't 'text book'. Big relief there. She doen't remember a lot of what happenned when she was extremely ill. I'm relieved actually as it would be very distressing for her.

I have taken her out for a few outings which has been lovely and she stayed home overnight on Monday night so we are making big progress. She has been in the mental health facility since the middle of May. I think it will take a bit of time for both of us to get used to mum being back home again! I'm telling myself though we just have to see how it goes and not get too stressed about it myself.

My sister tried taking her own life at the beginning of last month. She was in ICU for 2 weeks - in an induced coma, on life support and all of her organs were failing - they had to put her on dialysis. It was a miracle she survived - the doctors couldn't make any guarantees she was going to survive as she kept deteriorating. I had to keep it together and be there for her, and for my mum. She is still in hospital but is awaiting transfer to a psychiatric ward in another hospital when a bed becomes available.

It has been so stressful for me, and so emotionally draining - running back and forth from my mum and my sister. My best friend was my saviour and one of my cousins has supported me so much - and cooked for me 🙂 hehe

So, once again I am sorry for not getting on here sooner. I would love to hear how you are all doing.

xx

In response to: Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Oh my gosh @Bella1978 while it is so good to see you theres no need to apologise for not being here.
Im glad your mum is on the mend and its not dimentia. I guess thats abit of telief for you..

Im so sorry about your sister. I really hope she recovers and gets the help that the needs.

Im really glad youve had your friend as offline supports. Big hugs for you ❤

In response to: Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Thanks @outlander *hugs*

How have you been doing love?

x

In response to: Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Hugs @Bella1978

In response to: Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Wow @Bella1978 - what a journey. Can't believe your mum is still in hospital. I'm glad they took their time to be certain of what was going on. Not all mental health follows the text books. So lucky she is in good hands.

Prayers for your sister. A miracle she pulled through. Very lucky to be alive. You must be exhausted.

In response to: Can I cope being a carer?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

hi @Bella1978 how are you going?

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