My little brother won't get out of bed

Hi @Cass0908

Feel for your whole family with what you are all currently going through at the moment. It is a real worry and your brother is displaying all the signs of major depression. He definitely needs help but it's very difficult when someone won't help themselves. If it goes on for too much longer and your brother deteriorates further it may be nessecary to contact a mental health crisis team to have him assessed at home. Another avenue you could try is contacting Mental Health Carers Australia who may be able to give you further advice and support. I hope things get better for your brother soon.

Hey @Cass0908

I'm so sorry to hear about how tough things have been for your brother and your family. It's so hard to see somebody you love struggling so much and at times it can leave you feeling powerless to help.

It sounds as though you and your family have done all the right things in terms of continuing to encourage him to seek support. Do you have a sense as to why he isn't seeking support or what's getting in the way?

For some young people who aren't yet ready to engage with face to face services, they can find it helpful to try out online services like eheadspace. It could be worth providing him with their contact info. They are a free service with email, webchat, and phone counselling support. It's ok if he is dismissive at first, by providing him with information and encouragement, you might just be planting some seeds of change. Another online support option is ReachOut. They have a range of fact sheets and information, as well as online forums for your brother to try out connecting with other young people having a tough time.

Oh and eheadspace have a few great resoruces on supporting young men to seek help and supporitng a young person who doesnt want help. They also have a family and friends support service where you might be able to find more direction in supporting your brother with the next steps.

I hope that's a little helpful. I wish you all the best with everything moving forward.

Cass0908 that sounds terrible - for him and for all of you. Some health services have mental health triage services you could talk to and perhaps get a CAT team out to talk to your brother if he refuses to see anyone? Best of luck.

Hi Cass0908

Your brother's behaviour sounds a lot like my own son when he was 16 years old - we referred to it as total shut down. He could be a dead weight sleeper for 3 days at a time and so shut down when awake it was like he was on stupefying drugs. When he was roused he was beligerent and argumentative, particularly toward me as the primary carer. It had a massive impact on our family life, and his sister in particular.

My sons depression was treated with a variety of anti-deressants and counselling without any great effect. Both he and I had long suspected ADHD yet due to his high intellect and ability to achieve acceptable grades at school he was considered lazy and inattentive by his school and teachers. I was called an over zealous mother and told to encourage him to study rather than worry about any learning or development issues. He was eventually unable to complete high school with his mental condition manifesting as glandular fever and unrepenting school refusal.

As things became progressively worse for my son and we reached crisis we were finally able to convince his treating psychiatrist to test for a range of issues including learning difficulties and ADHD. I am not sayin this is necessarlity the answer for your brother but I am raising it in case it is something your family would like to consider investigating.

Latest research in to ADHD identifies that emotional regulation can be the most debilitating and impactful component of the ADHD nervous system and that the ADHD impacts the 5 most significant of our executive functions. So not only is the ADHD-er struggling to function in a non-ADHD accepting world, but their capacity to regulate their intense emotional reactions can be debilitating. What we learned is that my son is an internalizer, presenting as placid and compliant until it all became too much and he becam shut down in to an almost depressive coma. It was a coping mechanism.

My son is now 21 and continues to navigate the world with complex emotional issues and one of the most difficult things we have found is adequate current research and treatments for depressive disorders and ADHD. I find the US and Canada far superior in this circumstance. For example, the acceptance that most late teens have outgrown ADHD proves largely inaccurate, instead latest research indicates the hyperactivity is internalized and instead of inattention, as previously thought, there is an understanding of hyper attention. It helps to understand the potential for mental and emotional exhaustion. (see Dr Russell Barkley and Dr William Dodson online for further research; Dr Barkley in particular has a series of really useful video lectures to help understand the mechanics of the brain and the impact in every day functioning and Dr Dodson has a presentation which helps to understand ADHD and emotional regulation really clearly)

Again, not wanting to diagnose your brother but putting forward an alternate idea which is so often over looked.

All the best for you and your family, and I am sure your parents tell you all the time, but you are important too. It is easy to forget this when there is a sibling in crisis and I encourage you to ensure you are getting the help and support you need also.

HopefulMum.