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Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember30 May 2018, 10:15 am AEST

Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

We asked members what they would like to talk about for the next Topic Tuesday and here it is! Helping a loved one that doesn't want help. We will be talking about how to become better informed, managing frustrations and self care, support by listening and setting boundaries.

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I'm new here - what is Topic Tuesday?

Topic Tuesday runs from 7pm - 9pm AEST monthly. Each month we focus on a different topic, with the session facilitated by a Community Manager or Moderator. Sometimes Topic Tuesday will feature a special guest, who is an expert in the topic.

The first post of the thread (this one) will give you an idea of what the topic is and what will be covered.

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Throughout the session, the facilitator will put questions out for you to answer, usually asking for your own experience on the topic. To contribute to the session, just hit the 'reply' button and share your thoughts. No answers are right or wrong and everyone is welcome to get involved.

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96 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

DaisyMayCasual Contributor26 June 2018, 7:21 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

I agree Yabitha. Trying so hard to manage but it's difficult when every comment is met with resistance and defence, my daughter things I'm talking about her being unwell even when I'm not discussing the subject, she's so defensive.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

sbmcContributor26 June 2018, 7:22 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

With my mum who has struggled with depression, generalised anxiety, social anxiety (from my observations- she doesn’t identify with these) and alcoholism, i’ve come to see that she has very rigid beliefs about what’s good and bad, all these things are ‘bad’/weak/have very negative connotations for her and it feels too hurtful for her to consider them about herself. She also doesn’t feel that anything she has tried to help herself has worked, so she seems to have stopped trying, learning new things or considering new ways of thinking. She feel very helpless and hopeless (I think- she also struggles to communicate vulnerable feelings).

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

LizardContributor26 June 2018, 7:23 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

how is someone whom is possibly suicidal and has social anxiety going to call and say to a complete stranger on the other end of the phone."I want to die" or "I don't want to be here anymore??" that's what leaving care think they will do..

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

KellyCasual Contributor26 June 2018, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

Hi DaisyMay
yes my son who is 25 can convince the Drs he's ok and will take meds. I know they're the experts but I'm the expert of my son and I know he won't comply.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember26 June 2018, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

Welcome @Yabitha @Flick88- thanks for joining us andn for you input. Confidence is a big factor in this discussion.

Also welcome to @Gaye1 - this sounds like a very specific and hard situation. Quite frustrating. And I wish I had all the answers. Tonight is about a community discussion around things we can do to help improve our situations so our loved ones can be more open to help. I hope this helps and if you need more support you are always welcome to ring our helpline too.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

LizardContributor26 June 2018, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

sounds like my son.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

AdgeSenior Contributor26 June 2018, 7:24 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

Yes communication is a good point @Former-Member

Even when communication is tactful & careful - Mum's response can often be reactive & punitive.

- eg freezing all communication & all attempts at reaching understanding - by refusing to talk to me (or others) for several weeks at a time.

When no harm was intended, & Mum will not even say what upset her....

Adge

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

DaisyMayCasual Contributor26 June 2018, 7:26 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

exactly! It's even hard for me to reach out for help to an anonymous stranger and talk about how I'm feeling, let alone expect my daughter to do it.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

LizardContributor26 June 2018, 7:26 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

if anyone her has a child/young person with disablities.. whilst on the subject of control issues.. google PATHOLOGICAL DEMAND AVOIDANCE!!

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

YabithaContributor26 June 2018, 7:27 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

gee.. sounds bad news. Dont you have "house rules"?? You need to be straight to the point on bad behaviour in my experience. Tell them what the problem is and what they need to change and give them a grace period to comply. If they dont, ask them to move out!! Tell them complying with the "house rules" and minimum standards of decent conduct are not negotiable, offer to take them to their doctor or to a counsellor. !

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