My Inheritance

Finding who we are is extra hard when both parents had Mental illness. Yeah the 60s was not the greatest for those afflicted. I am slowly finding myself.

atm I am totally wrecked so just saying hello.

I hope you gain some benefit from the forum.

There are a lot double of mixed feelings and scenarios that come into play.

I say welcome, but I know its a dastardly thing to share this stuff.

Good Luck @Corny

Thank you Appleblossom.

I know that mixed emotions are very common for families who care for a loved one with severe mental illness, I am most definitely not on my own there.

My own mental health issues have not equipped me any better than the next person. I am left feeling incompetent, irritable, fed up and weary.

Yes, I probably have more patience and compassion because I have direct experience myself, but in many ways it is no easier. I have experienced every side of mental illness and it can defeat just about anyone, it doesn't matter how many resources you have and how strong you are.

There are a lot of carers out there that are martyrs and I have never wanted to become like that, or they use being a carer to up their sex appeal and social status, like they're just made of tougher stuff and are better than all us mere mortals that actually admit we are human and out of our depth.

The murky part for me is where mental illness meets abuse, neglect, dis-interestedness and quite frankly bigotry. My Mum's a bigot. There I said it. It’s not just because she’s getting older. She has extreme views bordering on extremism, and yet gawks at Muslim extremists. One of those people. We've all met them.

I know that with Mum there is luck inside of bad luck. She doesn't have any substance abuse problems and that makes it a lot easier for us to cope with.

I was forced to grow up very very fast and some days I am fed up with so much responsibility. My oldest friends from primary school contacted me last week, I hadn't heard from them in ages. When I say primary school I mean I was in primary school. They were in their mid to late twenties. Its brought up a lot of memories hearing from them again. It's just not normal for 10 year old little girls to be hanging out with 26 year olds. I look back at that now and I just feel sad for myself. The fact that I could go out to dinner with them, have sleep overs, hold adult conversations at length at that age upsets me. Age appropriate responsibility.....pretty much out the window.

As for creating my own personal identity my Dad snuffed that out pretty early on. He controlled everything, even our thoughts. Sounds impossible, but until you live with a person like that its hard to imagine what a person is capable of.

That's for another day.

Have a wonderful Wednesday Appleblossom.

Ciao

Hi @Corny and welcome to to the forums.....

The “divide” between Carers and Lived Experience is nominal in some respects because we have carers with Lived Experience, and we also have Lived Experience people who are self-carers because there is no direct family or friendship circle to support them and they have to manage and advocate for themselves, so you will find all sorts here..... there are others, myself included, who have more than one family member with mi,which figures too, when some things run in families, as you have attested to with yours.

Please feel free to ask questions to help you find your way around. Some of us may tag you into other threads, but it’s okay to only respond to what you want to.

F&H

Perhaps if youd like you could make a thread on the LE side to get some supports for your mental health

Up to you though 🙂

Happy to tag you from LE forum too @Corny .... 🙂

Hi @outlander,

Thank you for your warm welcome and for giving me some tips on the tech side of the forums.

I am really, really terrible at that sort of stuff, reading guidelines, sticking to rules ‘n’ that. I’m a bit of a she’ll be right kinda person, didn’t get any perfectionist genes unfortunately, just dive in and fob my way through.

I do my best with taking care of myself. I realise now that I was raised in unusual circumstances. Unusual for the sort of cultures that surrounded me anyways. But we were a very socially isolated family, with a demanding father to put it mildly, that insisted his inner experiences were more important than everyone else’s. My siblings and I were given guilt trips if we tried to do anything for ourselves……so I do my best considering where I come from. It doesn’t exactly feel natural.

Having said that I know I have come a very long way, and am much, much better with boundaries and not taking other peoples problems on as my own.

Both parents with severe mental illness takes its toll on anyone, I am still human.

Cheers for your support Outlander

Corny

Hi @Faith-and-Hope,

Thank you for your welcome.

Yes, I know that I am not alone. That there are millions of people with lived experience and who also are simultaneously caring for loved ones. And as you say, people who are very socially isolated and caring for themselves because they literally have no-one.

Thank you for offering to tag me in the LE. I’m not sure what that means.

But I probably don’t have much to add anyway. I find with mental health forums that people can become a little obsessed and fixated with the particular diagnosis, and when trying to relate to my experiences they often draw upon cultural references that can be very inaccurate and sometimes even quite amusing.

I realised this year that I didn’t really understand my condition, and a lot of that misunderstanding also stemmed from the fact that I too, had a pre-conceived idea of what it ‘should’ look like and how it ought to present clinically. It was also influenced by people around me, friends and associates telling me that I was suffering from X, because they had X, and I must also. I realise now that a lot of people are still very self-conscious and insecure that they have a mental illness, and that ultimately, misery loves company. Looking back, I think those people felt comforted if they weren’t alone with their diagnosis. It was almost as if they wanted me to be sick, at least as sick as them, if not worse. Like they were crossing their fingers and toes I would sink lower than them. Very odd phenomenon out in the suburbs people diagnosing people with their own diagnosis.

But, I have made a lot of head-way in understanding my condition by focusing on the symptoms that are particular to me, their ratios, because that is often different to everyone, and what contexts aggravate them. I know that I have to act early and what to watch. I guess an example of what I’m talking about is like with my Mum who has schizophrenia. When I tell people that, the first thing that springs to mind is that she talks to herself. Not once in my entire life have I seen my Mum talk to herself, and believe me she has had big episodes, the police involved, the whole thing, and yet that is how her condition is perceived. Her own cocktail and ratio of symptoms are particular to her, and not everyone is the same across time. People love boxes. They have to evaluate others to feel good about themselves.

Anyways Faith-and-Hope, I would love to have a touch of both of those….. but I do not. Sorry. I’m not a cynic as such, I prefer to be called a realist, it’s just that I have been on the roller coaster literally from day dot. Mum and I were scooped up and taken to a psych ward as soon as I was born. This is just my life. The ups and downs will never recede, it’s too exhausting attempting to delude myself otherwise, it is much more productive long-term to come to some form of accpetance.

Cheers, take care, Corny

Hi again @Corny 👋

Thanks for sharing more of your journey and perspective. You are right, we bring our own mix to whatever the diagnosis is, and for me personally, the value of a diagnosis lies in support, treatment, and the reduction of symptoms that interfere with life and relationships ..... very easy to put in a nutshell like that, much harder in the living of it ......

LE refers to the Lived Experience side of the forums, and while there are threads there where people are new to say, a diagnosis of Bipolar 2, and looking for information and understanding with others familiar with the symptoms and challenges generalised to it, many other threads are social based ..... common interests in gardening, dogs, cats, birds, art, craft, music, writing etc ..... or simply “Good morning, how’s your day going ?”

There are check-in threads where people will list a few things they would like to get done for the day, especially if they are struggling to get out of bed or out of the house, and no explanation needs to be given because there is an innate understanding of what that is like.

We have a virtual coffee shop here on Carer’s Forun called Hot Chocolate Anyone ? where carers drop in across the day, if nothing else just to check in and chat with someone ..... get to know each other.

Good to see you.