AvoidantkjsCasual Contributor
BPD advice needed for an Avoidant PD sufferer
Hi everyone!
It’s my first time posting here so apologies if I’m on the wrong thread or make any mistakes. A few years back, I made friends with a girl on the belief we both had BPD and could support each other. It soon became very clear that there were extreme differences in our moods and general MI and later, I was rediagnosed with Avoidant PD. Throughout this ‘friendship,’ her MI has become a drain on me yet I’ve always supported her and treated her as I would anyone else, though often with a little more care and understanding. It’s taken years of therapy for me to learn to overcome my AVPD traits and I’ve slowly built myself up to becoming social again.
This is where the issues come in. Recently, my friend had a full BPD swing and as usual, took out all her issues on me though this time, it seemed with more malicious intent than usual and more irrational behaviour. My words were twisted to fit her side of th story and I cannot cope with her attitude. In the last few weeks I’ve fallen back into my PD and I’m heartbroken. I’m struggling to talk to others, to see myself as someone decent because of how much my friend tore into me.
My life has become hell and I’ve always been taught to confront my issues instead of avoid them since attending therapy. Unfortunately, every time I tried to explain something, she would twist everything and eventually, she took it personally and has set on a course of destroying all my personal friendships and connections, all because of one thing I did. I confided in her and told her some issues I was having with another friend and she took that as me backstabbing, when I just needed to talk about it, calm down and then be able to talk to the original person later. I understand the fault on my part, as I’m aware that action may have made her believe I would hurt her which is obviously a huge issue with those suffering with BPD.
My question is, is there much point waiting for her to calm down then reattempt building the friendship? It just seem that out disorders will never be compatible, I lack any form of anger and often struggle with any aimed at me, leading me to constantly avoid confrontation and fall back to rock bottom. I’ve actively been in therapy since my diagnosis and work consistently to get over or at least, manage my disorder. My friend is 30, received her diagnosis 5 years ago and refuses to attempt to change. I can admit my faults, being overly sensitive and willing to take all the criticism drives her, it seems, but when I stand up for myself, she starts a ‘holier than thou’ tirade that makes me tired and scared of her. So I stick to people with a calmer approach to everything? Avoidant PD is also very tiring and seems to be on the same level as a BPD’s emotional range but instead of experiencing the anger/outbursts/etc, that side of emotions is hugely lacking.
Sorry for the long post. Any advice, especially from those with personal experiences with a BPD friend, would be appreciated. Or any AVPD sufferers who can give advice on people they thrive around the most. I just want to be happy and stop feeling so negative. And apologies if I’ve accidentally offended anyone, absolutely not my intention!
Thanks 🙂
It’s my first time posting here so apologies if I’m on the wrong thread or make any mistakes. A few years back, I made friends with a girl on the belief we both had BPD and could support each other. It soon became very clear that there were extreme differences in our moods and general MI and later, I was rediagnosed with Avoidant PD. Throughout this ‘friendship,’ her MI has become a drain on me yet I’ve always supported her and treated her as I would anyone else, though often with a little more care and understanding. It’s taken years of therapy for me to learn to overcome my AVPD traits and I’ve slowly built myself up to becoming social again.
This is where the issues come in. Recently, my friend had a full BPD swing and as usual, took out all her issues on me though this time, it seemed with more malicious intent than usual and more irrational behaviour. My words were twisted to fit her side of th story and I cannot cope with her attitude. In the last few weeks I’ve fallen back into my PD and I’m heartbroken. I’m struggling to talk to others, to see myself as someone decent because of how much my friend tore into me.
My life has become hell and I’ve always been taught to confront my issues instead of avoid them since attending therapy. Unfortunately, every time I tried to explain something, she would twist everything and eventually, she took it personally and has set on a course of destroying all my personal friendships and connections, all because of one thing I did. I confided in her and told her some issues I was having with another friend and she took that as me backstabbing, when I just needed to talk about it, calm down and then be able to talk to the original person later. I understand the fault on my part, as I’m aware that action may have made her believe I would hurt her which is obviously a huge issue with those suffering with BPD.
My question is, is there much point waiting for her to calm down then reattempt building the friendship? It just seem that out disorders will never be compatible, I lack any form of anger and often struggle with any aimed at me, leading me to constantly avoid confrontation and fall back to rock bottom. I’ve actively been in therapy since my diagnosis and work consistently to get over or at least, manage my disorder. My friend is 30, received her diagnosis 5 years ago and refuses to attempt to change. I can admit my faults, being overly sensitive and willing to take all the criticism drives her, it seems, but when I stand up for myself, she starts a ‘holier than thou’ tirade that makes me tired and scared of her. So I stick to people with a calmer approach to everything? Avoidant PD is also very tiring and seems to be on the same level as a BPD’s emotional range but instead of experiencing the anger/outbursts/etc, that side of emotions is hugely lacking.
Sorry for the long post. Any advice, especially from those with personal experiences with a BPD friend, would be appreciated. Or any AVPD sufferers who can give advice on people they thrive around the most. I just want to be happy and stop feeling so negative. And apologies if I’ve accidentally offended anyone, absolutely not my intention!
Thanks 🙂
