A smile doesn't necessarily mean I'm okay..

@Former-Member Hi Lauz and great post.; I smile all the time when I am manic, happy, sad, hearing voices etc. I never show my true feelings unless I am very very unwell and depressed and even then can smile. I would love to hear from other people who cannot show their true feelings.

hi @Former-Member and all reading

i can relate heaps! i very rarely show my true emotions. ive had panic attacks in front of people and still looked composed. its hard for me to say how im feeling as often my emotions inside dont match the outside. i actually went through something with a psych quite a while ago and that is when im anxious or depressed my nervous response is to automaticaly smile. i cant help it its just a subconscious reaction so that makes it abit harder too.

@Former-Member I am afraid I wear my heart on my sleeve. People can tell if I am struggling but I do not say too much. I ask how they are and the subject is usually changed.

How interesting is this shared experience? Whether its not being able to let our gueard down or a reaction out of reflex, we all have felt the need to 'smile through'. Is there ever a balance? Can we ever challenge ourselves to smile but still communicate that you aren't necessarily okay? Scary thought I know.

Does anyone have any good moments where they have let down their guard and shared, even though they were scared? Maybe with a friend? Maybe there were also some harder ones - how did you get through those?

Might be nice to share some stories here for more insights

@Former-Member i let down the guard recently and talked about suicidal thoughts - trouble is it frightens people, even if i make it clear i'm not about to do sometbing stupid. The fear stops people listening & they think they gotta act. Even The system OVRRREACTS. So, i push it back down, even here on the forum. Being properly heard lessons the pain of its isolation - reduces blackdog's power to harm.

Hey Guys,

I think this is a BRILLIANT conversation to be had!

I struggled for years not communicating about Bipolar Bear, working full time and socialising with friends, all the while trying to keep us both sane at home... and because i am a naturally "happy" and caring person, it was SO easy for me to hide it. If asked anything personal, i would deflect back on to them with a question, so i never lied... but i also never spoke about it. This eventually lead me to a dark place a few years ago where not only could i not look after Bipolar Bear, i couldnt look after myself! I thought i was protecting him, protecting myself and others from this bizarre double life i was leading... but actually i was just being silly.

So i changed... to protect myself... i am open and honest now and whilst i encounter some people who dont know what to say or do, most are so shocked i openly tell them about Bipoalr Bear and then a flash of recognition happens, because we all know someone who struggles and doesnt share that. I have a high stress career and i am always open with my employers, this position i told them in the interview! I am dedicated 98% to my career, but sometimes, i have to be a carer first, and if that means i need to stay home and get Bipolar bear back on track, that is my priority. I have found this leads others to be honest with me, i have an employee at the moment going through the same thing with her husband.. and instead of hiding it, she can come in and speak to me, knowing there is no judgement, just understanding and acceptance.

Not hiding our bad days is easier for me, i can just tell someone and then move on, i dont need to scramble to cover when my home life needs to be my priority. I wish all carers, and MI survivors felt this way,if we all just spoke about it... it wouldnt be taboo.

There is comic i am going to link you, and whilst i just categorised myself as a "happy" person above... it isnt necessarily true. Both Bipolar Bear and I love this little story, and it is SO true for the both of us. Whilst it isnt directly linked.... it is an interesting look at the expectation of being happy, and I think it is perfect!

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

Tigz

xx

Dear @Tiggeroo

I've just seen your cartoon....it's it's reminded me of the fight and acceptance that I've had on accepting that I'm on my variety of meds to get through: of how I got the confidence to see the Psychiatrist to get on my latest meds ........ I had flashes of people I know like my son.

Your message.....brought up cmemories of instances in my life...... Thank you so so much. I used to have a. Job that could have been stress free but I made it quite high stress working huge amounts of hours so I could afford stuff.

And I did my job the best I could do.

Thank you. Being honest and open has given my husband & me a base to work with. He is very upfront about his condition which makes me honest about mine. It is easy to hide behind his worse condition.

Thank you.

Your cartoon on brought up things which I feel when I'm under huge stress. Reading vicariously. Big long intelligent books .

To BB kind wishes from over anxiety head injury Pp xx

Dear @outlander @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Tiggeroo @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom @Jacques @Bunniekins

yes, i can relate to this wonderful conversation.

So so so much. Thank you for the inputs. I relate to them all.....I've had panic attacks which no one have noticed. My family tend to run away I used to think is because they felt helpless........