Isabella_dCasual Contributor
Not isolating .. just .... safe...
Hi everyone,
I am new to this site, however diagnosed with BPD in 2014 and it felt ... right. Unfortunately. Lol.
I have fought and fought for BPD not to rule my life and I am mainly succeeding. I think.
But. A week ago I got a shock when my psycchologist said that something that had occurred in a new job was 'a shadow of the bpd' appearing when i was anxious about co-workers. I am actually annoyed. lol. I work so hard not to be bpd or have issues. My psychologist and I had just agreed that the BPD was no longer a major factor in my life. grrrrr...
But not being too hard on myself.
I hate labels.
So. I am the safest, most secure and stable I have EVER been, however, I dont have anyone in my life. I have a friend that I speak to 2-3 times a week by text/msgn sometimes phone. I dont have any family (they all passed away) and, due to life circumstances I am single, no children and no long standing friends. The last few years have been shocking with a loss of a huge amount of people in my life.
I get told not to isolate ... but when I try to make friends, it doesnt work - even though I watch myself carefully, dont put expecttions on people and am clear I am ok on my own. So. Isolation comes reallllly easily when you have no one in your life consistently .. I am safe but is it a bad thing?
Example - I havent spoken to anyone that is remotely a friend for over a week - its only been work. THis weekend I didnt speak to anyone - no texts, messages, emails calls nothing. No one to call. No one to call me.
I am definately not suicidal but ...really ... am I a bad person that deserves to be so bloody alone?
Here is the joke of my life - I have attachment issues apparently and a fear of being alone. apparently. Yet I am not attached to anyone and am completely and utterly alone.
Let me be clear - I am not lonely. But seriously, this is a farce. I have no one. And I get tired of people saying to me to get a hobby, reach out to people, say yes, go out etc etc etc ... people are too busy nowadays to have someone new in their life. My only option is to have a relationship - which I am really not chasing at all... coz .. you know ... I have made bad choices in the past and there are 'issues' that I have now due to the ex partners.
Lol.
Why is life so hard.
Sorry for the rant.
If you have any questions about any features or finding your way around then feel free to tag me and I will do my best to answer them. I hope you find this to be a place you can be yourself, talk and seek support - you are definitelly not alone here 
I hope you find it helpful and supportive. It sounds like you have put in incredible work to get to where you are at the moment, safe and secure and stable. And sounds like being engaged with your thoughts is challenging but you have so many tools. 
- still working on that myself. I still see it as having not so good days and worse days with one or two 'alright' days thrown in every now and then - I would be happy with one good day a week at the moment!
