I don't know what to do - Sorry this is so long.

Hi all,

I don't know if I have BPD, I don't have a clue, I've had every diagnosis under the sun and I'm running out of options so thought that maybe someone on here may have some sort of suggestion - I also apologise if I breach community rules, I haven't read them but as I have been on forums before I have a reasonable idea.

I am, actually was, a student nurse, 3rd year, meant to graduate the end of this year. I was successful, did a lot of volunteer work, was the only student in the state to be part of a specific program, good grades - everything was going well.

At the beginning of the year I went overseas to volunteer. It was my second time doing it and in 2016 I had an amazing time. This time was different and I ended up leaving the program on day 2. I went and stayed in a hotel for a few days, got a really awesome tattoo and flew home. Problem was, one day I got out of the lift on the wrong floor. A guy, no idea where from, cornered me and started to do a few things to me, I pushed him off, got back in the lift and never saw him again. As a child I was abused and this brought up so many memories. PTSD. And it has destroyed my entire year. Thing is, no one knows. No one. My Dad has said I have been different since I got back. I've told him he is crazy. This gives a backgrounf before I explain a bit more.

I went back to uni this year, was all well and good. But I decided to stop taking my medication. It fogs my brain and it wasn't stopping the thoughts I was getting from my trip. I didn't see the point in taking it. I told everyone I wanted to be able to think more clearly. So I stopped it, suddenly, after 7 years. And yes I am aware that you should not do that. I got a bit more impulsive with spending, but nothing serious. I referred myself to Community MH and the psychologist I saw there a few years ago, I told her I was concerned, I was doing a Child & Adolescent unit this semester and my sister had passed in a car accident when she was 4. I told her I thought I might find it triggering - which was true, but not the only reason I went to see her. We spoke, my parents weren't aware, I didn't want to concern them. I had appointments and it was all well and good. Then I went on prac. It was in an ED and a paediatric one at that. Events happened that triggered memories of my sister. Week 3, I left early and went and attempted suicide. I was unsuccessfuly - obviously as I am typing now. I was dischagred, my diagnosis in the system is BPD, they did not think an admission would help, and to be honest I didn't want to stay. I needed to contact people about things.

Things went downhill from there. I was back in hospital a week later, another attempt, which once again did not work. Except this time I was put under the MH Act and admitted. I lied to everyone there. I gave them no reason to keep me. A particular staff member told me to stop telling people I was suicidal, that it was bullshit and I would never do it anyway. I didn't want to be treated in a hospital with people who had that attitude, and I felt I had to prove them wrong. So another attempt later, sat in a medical ward for 2 weeks, was not allowed to go to the job interview of my dream job, all reasons to live were destroyed. I was admitted overnight. It was an awful hospital, I lied to get out. They lied to my parents to get me out, seems they didn't want me there so I didn't want to be treated there. I was also lied to, about many things, so I figured I didn't need to be honest back.

Now I sit in my bedroom at a loss of what to do. I am on no medication, have no follow-up. My parents are at a loss, my Dad was in tears after I was discharged because the Nurse Unit Manager had lied to them. I've put in a complaint. I simply do not know what to do. Tomorrow is Monday, a new week. I need some help and support but I don't know where to start. I can't go anywhere because my Dad has locked my keys in the safe because he is worried I will run away - drive away really. I don't want my parents knowing what happened when I went overseas, but I can't go anywhere by myself anyway because I can't use my car. All I want is some support. Someone who will help out.

I have private health insurance and my Dad is considering sending me to Sydney - I live in Perth - my Nan and Pop live in Sydney, because Perth has no treatment options. Perth's public and private system have massive waitlists.

Anyone have any suggestions?