Clubs, organisations and limits of MI sufferers

Hi everyone. My first post here.

Do you ever feel like you are left out of the "mix"? In a club do you feel like you are on the edge of the group? Not intentionally ostracized but, well, not popular?

I once was in one of many car clubs. My vintage Ford was in poor shape and my first wife and I didnt have the funds to restore it at the time. It was painted a non original colour so it was referred by others in the club as "the bitza".

I soon learned that clubs have a pecking order. Convertible car owners were the elite, rare cars the same. But more importantly I began to study why I was "on the outer", a situation not unlike my school days.

I found there were four main reasons for me finding myself on the rim of a group-

- sensitivity

- lack of confidence

- Self preservation

- oddity/quirkiness/essentricity

You might have other reasons.

When someone is sensitive one eventually tries to avoid controversy. Controversy creates anxiety as debate follows.

Lack of confidence could be from not being familiar with the core club commonality. Eg the car in question. It can also be a reflection of ones overall level of shyness

Oddity? Well we are odd, no doubting that. We often clearly have extreme thought patterns and behaviour. To survive in a group in the early stages one has to blend and be quieter than later on. Long term members can easily judge you as being a new interference. Sad but true and likely normal as they battle with protecting their group chemistry.

So is this all bad news- no way. There is a positive in every situation if you are proactive looking for it. In the case above, following several club experiences, they are all the same. Being on the rim of the group has its safety factor. Observe, learn and befriend others slowly. Ooze out your knowledge slowly. I'd also recommend not becoming a committee member. If you are like me and have strong reactions (thin skin), and not to forget strong views that you find difficult to do the blending required, then committees will find you in the eye of storms. Each time I've entered the field of committees it's ended with the same awful result- hurt. And dont expect the leaders to protect you from bullying (online common now) if your illness is known. Good strong moral leaders arent that common. It's more ocmmon for them to take the easy safe path and downplay the problem.

In summary, clubs and groups have a pecking order that we, the emotional, sensitive and reactive might better serve on the grandstand. Serious mental health issues can evolve when embroiled in conflict. Club commrades are not usually close understanding friends that will come to your aid even when and if your distress leads to depression. Better to let the steam out on a forum such as this.

A fellow in a footy club was always turning over the snags on the bbq every Thursday night training. He had bipolar and depression like myself. "Yep, been doing this for 12 years mate, out of the politics, doing my bit and I'm appreciated....and I get an extra sausage and double the onions...."

Tony WK