Home does not feel l

I am going through some really rough patches of anxiety. They seem to be also paired up with these, thankfully, smaller patches of despair and dread though. I'm not a stranger to anxiety, I have OCD, I have also been through an eating disorder (not sure that ever gets left behind) and am familiar with depression.

lately the one place I am supposed to feel safe does not feel safe at all. It used to be once I was home I could find that place and sense of calm. These last few days in particular I am struggling to find that familiarity and safety though - even with my checking and rituals (OCD). I am feeling oppressed, distressed and scared in my own home.

Anyways,

i just wanted to get it down, written, to see if that might change my perspective or cause a shift. I have options for spending a few nights elsewhere - my dad and my brother and his family but these are not obviously long term sollutions.

I have been out walking for a few hours so hopefully that helps me get some sleep.

Feeling exhausted and on the verge of tears all the time on top of it all.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh,

i do feel a little selfish and self absorbed in posting this - at the same time writing and posting last night did do me some good.

I apologise if it alarms anyone or causes someone else distress - I hope your night is better