Cat64Contributor
I'm at my wits end....where to from here.
My story as a carer started 16 years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Schizo effective disorder (parodoid shizophrenic). At the time our daughters were 6 and 8. After 6 weeks or so of radical behaviour I finally sought help and watched him being taken away by the police. Not pretty and very, very scary. Time has gone on, I have learned alot about his condition, been there through thick and thin and many, many hospital visits since then. A year ago was his longest time frame of 9 weeks, and he is currently there again - so far 4 weeks. His recovery was progressing reasonably well. Changes of meds as usual - which in it self is always a roller coaster ride. I did try for 12 weeks prior to hospitalisation to treat him at home with support from our mental health team. We live in a remote area of the south west so very isolated.
Any way this episode and the last have been very directed towards me, with accusations I won't go into on here. It is soul destroying when you are constantly accused of things you would never in the world dream of doing, and when my husband is well - he wouldn't even think such things.
I have just returned from three days for trial outings with him. The first day went reasonably well, the second not so good and the third which was over night was a disaster. I refused to go in to see the dr - my husband told them all went well so they nurse came out to the car and asked if it did, which I said no it didn't. I ended up having an interview with the dr on my own, then had a very brief talk to hubby before I left him there once again. He was to be discharged yesterday, so he was not very happy about it not happening. I walked out with him screaming more accusations at me.
The point I am getting at here is right now I fell totally crushed, alone, and very very sad. I have been with my husband for over 35 years and am now at the stage of wondering why I do it, put up with the episodes and whether to stay in the marriage or not. I love him with all my heart, but am just feeling so torn.
When he is well he is a beuatiful caring man, with a huge heart and very supportive. He is a wonderful father and grand father. Unfortunately during this episode he accused my daughters husband of things the my daughter is not happy with and she has now told me she doesn't want anything to do with him. This is going to break his heart, and bring more stress upon an already tense situation.
I don't expect answers hear, just feel the need to vent. I have only come across this page tonight, so have posted this in haste. Does anyone else have theses kinds of things going on, and if so how do you deal with it.
My daughters are actually saying they are scared of how far he can go with these delusions and are very worried about me. we live on 114 acres in seclusion, so that worries the,. I however have never feared of being harmed by my husband. It's hard when you see the way psychotic people are portrayed in the media.
Thank you for reading my stroy, which I really have only touched the surface. I send love and light to all of you out there who are carer for someone with a mental illness and wish you well xx
