Questions about anything and everything!

Does anyone else have the need to feel like they need to come on here when things are going badly and just scream?

Everything I wanted to write tonight is negative and angry (at myself mostly) and it’s happened before, many many times.

Why do I feel like I need to do this?

I hate feeling like this and want to understand it.

@Teej I have certainly felt like that at times - that is when I usually retreat though. I can understand you wanting to come on here to 'scream' - maybe because you see this as a safe place where if you did write all the negative and angry stuff you are feeling that others will understand.

Yeah the dignified part of me wants to retreat @Zoe7. Do you think it helps when others understand?

I just had a thought. Do you think we do it when we have emotions we cant understand or sit with? Anger is my nemesis. It usually leads to me numbing......she says with alcohol in one hand :face_with_rolling_eyes:🤨

I definitely think it helps when others understand @Teej - makes me personally feel a little less alone!

I do think we try to find a way to understand what we are feeling from reaching out to others in similar situations. Over the past couple of days I have had feelings that I could only describe as feeling hurt but knowing saying exactly how I am feeling and why may unintentionally hurt others - so I have said nothing... do you ever feel like that here?

I think it is the nature of this environment @Zoe7, that we either unintentionally hurt someone or hold back for fear of doing so. I talked about it with my therapist the other day because I’d hurt someone unintentionally. We are all sensitive beings on the forum and it gets hard. We can’t always get what the other person is going through either so that sometimes makes it hard. I’ve got it wrong a few times lately on here and no one wins. I hurt intensely to think I hurt someone I care for and they hurt. Perhaps though we remain here because the good parts out number the hurt parts.

@Former-Member I’m glad you find it helpful to feel like people get it here as well.

Have I answered your question @Zoe7? I feel like rambled.

@Teej@Zoe7@Former-Member and everyone I never feel anger ... I wish I could I don't know how because we had to tip toe around an angry father growing up. Made me docile and skitish in many ways. I wish I could feel anger and then being able to release it. Actually sorry that is not actually true there are moments when my medication is not fully in control and I have flashes of anger like a rage which could get me into all sorts of trouble but now because I am so drugged up with medication I am too much like a zombie to feel anything but pain.

You answered ny question very well @Teej - I am sorry I didn't respond last night - I fell asleep!

You are right that we cannot foresee what may unintentionally hurt someone else - we have such wide histories and life experiences that we could not know what could be triggering or upsetting for someone else - and Yes that is the downside of the forum but all the positive things definitely outweigh th negative.

@Zoe7@Teej@Bunniekins@Former-Member I think I come on here with the polite version, because the real isn't a pretty picture, not physically, but emotionally. My screams are still the silent ones, but it was just this morning I began writing a song about the anger raging inside of me. Reminded that less than a week ago I had no idea of its existence, now turning into a book version. I think fear held it back.

I have unintentionally hurt people on the forum also, even though I try hard to be sensitive. Sometimes reading how others are feeling and how they express it helps me to be honest about me and feel less alone. The few people I talk to in real life tell me it's raw, I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult yet. And as usual, I don't seem to have stayed on tract with the topic.