What it really feels like

Hi @Terry,

Thank you for your concern. I've gone in to my story in other posts on this forum, but if you'll forgive my laziness I'm just not up for rehashing it all ATM. Long story short, I have already sought the "help" that is so effectively marketed by the mental health movement and have come to discover that it is at least as noxious as the "disease" itself, if not more so.

But again, thanks for your well-meaning wishes. 🙂 I've just read some of your previous posts, too and you do have some good suggestions in there. Many of which I do follow or have tried.

Wow, thank you! god bless. yes, I limped along for decades until i figured out the mental health system was just making things worse. i'm happier now. i still sometimes ring up the crisis team or eht or whatever you call them but i let the receptionist know that it's not a crisis, just a chat so they are not to make me a priority if there are other people in crisis. often, whilst being careful what i tell them, i 'bounce stuff off them' to get a little mental health info that might benefit me. but i'm pretty careful about what i say and ring off quickly if necessary. they get ump if you're not ringing about a crisis (they get ump if you are ringing about a crisis too) and start asking questions about whether you're taking your meds or not and you might end up locked up so i'm careful to gauge their attitude to me and if i can get what i want out of them (which might just be a little human contact with someone who knows me and at least TRIES to help [mostly]).

as for lifeline, i call them when i need to (without letting them know where i live, or anything). this assertion by mental health people that lifeline is only 'as a last resort' is pretty odd. my friends with mental illnesses often don't tend to have the emotional resources to deal with my 'stuff'; my normal friends don't really understand, my family's pretty useless and the mental health system's pretty useless. lifeline is quite good (13 11 14). your faith in god will serve you best of all. i have some bad days but there IS help out there - you just have to figure out where and how to find it. mental health professionals telling someone only to use lifeline as a 'last resort' i would probably say was irresponsible. most people with mental illnesses needed to start talking things out DECADES ago - and talking things out with the mental health system is of VERY questionable value. Keeping a diary or writing things down is VERY useful - this is a way to share it directly wtih god. He is always there for you, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. god bless 🙂

Hi how does it feel ?

hoplessness dark nightmares flashbacks of lived horror.

Black deep dark hole you cant escape and at times dont want to as the people either wont or dont

understand.

If you go to" A Poem Maybe . there is some very descriptive work by many people here that may give you a good insight.

Scorpion

Dear @Winchester

I love what @SCORPION writes of looking at @Kato s thread; A Poem Maybe? His poems are very gritty and passionate. I am delighted to read your message......many years ago, I noticed my art changing to deep dark and painful when I was in highschool...in 1984....lol that was a long time ago.....yesterday for me though..........

I think that we all agree what @Terry writes .....but many many people have a good experience in suffering mental ill health.

I feel you have chosen an amazing and creative decision for your artwork but do you feel you could push the idea a bit?

Some ideas for you to experiment are;

Frottage....how both the environment and your own genetics influence your decision making.

A statement and something that you can walk away from....or can you?

Over 15 years ago..I finished my BA on Artwork.....jeepers, it helped me get through so many things. I also stuck by intensive Psychotherapy for many years.....as well as keeping me sane...I was able to get through my youngest son's bout with cancer. He is fine now.

This is what my artists statement was:

I am interested in creating a layered and complex visual unity that evokes the evolution of the human and natural environment over time.

I want the viewer to have a sence of their participation in a silent continouous and ongoing relationship with the local environment. I want people to reflect upon and value elements surrounding them that we usually tend to take for granted and forget. I am also influenced on the idea of the unconcious.....Individual loves and communities are damaged by forgetting apparently small things we do not notice but that we love. I want people to discover the capacity to care.

My works are individual pieces by..........................

2. Does this help you at all?

3. I need to find my notes on this next idea''''''

"Post Modernism.....We are in a world influenced by thought processes around the world leaving the um.......( got to find my notes) stage of thinking about how us as individuals are being themselves in a community but we are tranforming into 'Culterism." You need to be able to switch to that.

One thing that is very needed; is a Health Care plan for the individual. So we do not have to see meny different doctors and tell our story again.......we need a health care plan on a USB that we can just get the doctors to switch into a computer and read our individual stories and go from there. When you go into the public system, it is very wearying to have to tell your story over and over again.Especially when you are ill. You are also going to experience feelings of vulnerability having to tell your stories over and over again.

Can you think about a good health care plan once you have thought about your own body? How do you feel having to tell your story over and over again to different doctors?

How do people react to you during your different stages of wellness?

Why is your body reacting to .....your environment/ genetics/ place in the family?

How has your family reacted to you?

My process was negating me. For instance; I spent a couple of months doing some pretty nice boats.....you know, we can write about why I painted ships for ages....

But they were pretty nice and in2011, I sold a ship (see pic attached) to a policeman for $1000 to pay for my wedding to my husband. He went crazy one night and smashed it up after.

But many things were being amashed around me. My whole self was negated by people who are important in my life and you can see my poem in @Kato s thread.

Remembering Im 48 years old.

I am amazed that you are brave enough to do this;

Hi Winchester, speaking for myself, when depressed with BP, the colour grey in all shades up to and including Black comes to mind. The flatness of feelings also. The occasional feelings of Mania or hypomania (elation & sparkle) would also be part of the picture. All the very best with your studies and power on...

this, that chibham said

"a lone individual navigating through a community/tribe to which she is obviously a foreigner/alien. She is trying as best she can to calmly mimic their culture, rituals & mannerisms, but nonetheless all the "normal" people around her look upon her with suspicion, displeasure or perhaps even pity"

I think there should also be a picture like "The Scream" but everyone stares at her like shes aa piece of dirt or they discreetly turn away and look elsewhere because it's just rude to express so much pain

sorry if that's a bit blunt - but i am guessing you do not want something that's "dressed up best" but reaal and raw?

I also hope you are, at the very least - ok and supported